Bren Ryder

This is the blog article that inspired this site. Disguised as a how-to manual, this is basically a story of how I got started and how a person’s path can be very individual. Originally published on GoodDykePorn.com.

Here is the official step-by-step program on how to become a pornographer. Follow it precisely for the result of fame and fortune. Not really. Actually, it’s a very personal description of how I came to be a pornographer.

1. Be an artist:
People who go to film school and play with their video cameras in an artistic way like to call themselves filmmakers. I am a filmmaker. I wrote papers on films. I made 10 minute shorts at the instruction of “real” filmmakers. It’s a passion. It’s my creative outlet. I love creating films. But, I never got into the film industry. The job aspect of being “in film” didn’t appeal to me. All I wanted to do was make artistic personal short films and maybe do some writing. But, how could I possibly live doing that? My love of creative independent films lead me to ask the question: How can I make an artistic short film that people will want to watch over and over. Answer: porn.

2. Be a geek:
Computers, computers, computers. I’ve always had one either in my house or at work so, you know, like most people I’m familiar. But, this process has been an amazing learning experience. I learn by doing and I don’t have any trouble spending hours and hours in front of the computer learning how to create a website and integrate a content management system and turn a vision into reality. The porn industry is the best way to learn internet technology. By the time I’m through with all this I’m going to be quite the skilled self-taught geeky techno pervert.

3. Be a victim of men’s sexual violence:
Women have issues around sex and sexuality just by being in the world and being women and we all have to work through them at some point and hopefully come to a place free of shame and lovingly acceptance of our bodies and our sexuality. But, there isn’t a better way to be faced with major issues surrounding sexuality than being sexually assaulted. Whether it was child abuse, date rape, chronic coersion, or just plain old sexual assault from a stranger, we, as women, are put to the task to make right what was once altered by a man.

I was in a relationship with a man in my teenage years that was just abusive enough to cause damage but not enough that I could realize it for years to come. As a result, once I became an adult lesbian woman who stopped ignoring everything that was slightly painful, I began to explore my sexuality and discovered a whole new world. I’m still exploring that world. The world of sex. And what better way to do that than videotape other people’s sexual fantasies and have sex in front of the camera myself. This is just one part of all the many things that have contributed to my journey to pornography, but, when the goal of making porn is to show the beauty of sex, the pride of our bodies, the intimacy we share, and the adventure of making ourselves vulnerable then my own personal goals were dying to be one and the same.

4. Dream about what you really want:
I have always had crappy jobs here and there and travelled and lived in different cities. I’ve started a few one-woman run businesses. I was never much into the idea of “having a job”. Seems kind of ridiculous, doesn’t it? Everybody needs to have a job. And I’ve worked a lot in my life and continue to this day. But, I dream of greater things. I dream of spending my days creating films. I dream of working at my own time at my own pace for however long I want to. I dream of making an impact on the porn industry by creating positively sexy films of real queer women. Crazy! My dreams have always kept me from committing to a “good job”. I was always worried that it would trap me and that I’d never be able to let go of the security of the job and take chances like I am now with starting and running this website. It’s also led to step #5, but, I believe my dreams of greater things are now finally taking me towards those wonderful things - a life I can only dream about.

5. Fail at achieving any semblance of a career:
A lot of people who I’ve talked to say they really would love to do porn or be involved in the creation of it in any way, but they have to consider their career. They’re lawyers, doctors, teachers, youth workers, etc. That’s not me. My other job is a window cleaner. The guys who I work with are very happy to hear about my porn endeavors. The porn isn’t going to hurt my career as a window cleaner. I used to think I needed a job eventually. In the past I considered becoming a firefighter. I’m not sure how porn and the fire department would’ve mixed. I suspect not very well. Well, of course, the men there love their porn, but to be a comrade who is actually in that porn - not so much. I chose to discontinue my pursuit to become a firefighter and turned all focus on the website. All this happened at the same time as a major life change.

6. Get dumped:
Truthfully, getting dumped doesn’t accurately describe what happened. It was much more amicable than that. But it does sound quite dramatic, though, doesn’t it? What is true, however, is that the end of a long term relationship pushed me towards massive change. It was at this time a took the leap. I didn’t have anyone but myself to be accountable towards and if I wanted to start a porn company, then I was free to do so. And that’s just what I did.

7. Be comfortable with poverty:
Living in Canada I don’t really experience poverty. I am an able-bodied adult so work is easy to come by. The trick is to follow your dream and start your own business with very little start up costs. I chose to not work for a long period of time while I set up the website, shot and edited the footage, studied software, internet technology, researched the porn industry and turned my dream into a reality. Now, I am poorer than I’ve ever been and I’ve racked up more debt than I’ve ever had.

8. Have faith:
Now that I have a functioning website, plenty of encouragement and potential for the future, I’m going back to work. I have to. This means more of my time is occupied with what one calls “work”. Work for money, work for the website, work for blogs, and work on trying to manage all that while still spending time with people I love. I have faith that my work will one day pay off. All the money I owe will be paid back. The crappy day-job will be no longer necessary and I will be making a positive impact on the lives and sexualities of women, transfolks, and men around the world.

9. Find god:
Starting this business has been one of the most ambitious things I’ve ever done. The first thing I needed to take care of was my self-discipline. I knew that I had to make improvements on getting things done in a timely manner if I was to realize this dream. In my google searches and visits to the library I was constantly exposed to spiritual ideas on personal development. I’ve never been a religious person, but the more I read the more I began to embrace the ever popular ideas about positive thinking, non-physical worlds, and living with love in mind. Suddenly my goal to become more focused on the tasks at hand became a goal to love everyone and everything unconditionally and to create films out of love for the highest good. You’re probably laughing at me now. I would too. I’ve turned into quite the flake these days. But, let me tell you my friend, I’m friggin’ manifesting all over the place. Dreams do come true.

10. Be vulnerable:
When I first started to think about this project I had to figure out whether I wanted to do this as my second life - with a second personality - or if I wanted to just be me and be open and exposed. In the past I’ve been a very private person. I wouldn’t share personal stories on the internet or have much to do with anything online at all. If I participated in a discussion forum I would be very vague about my personal life and I didn’t invest much time into online activities.
I came to the decision that if my goal was to capture the real vulnerability of sex and porn and expose it in a way that’s truly beautiful and free of shame, then I needed to do the same with myself. I believe that there is no shame in sex between women, in watching porn or performing your sex for others to see. So, part of my mission became to expose myself not only physically, but emotionally and psychologically. Artists make themselves vulnerable by showing their work to others. I do that. People may like it and they may not. So, let’s take it further. I expose my body for everyone to see. Some may like it others may not. Then, I’ll blog about it. People are free to judge me any way they see fit. It’s beyond my control.

11. Practice infinite patience:
I did it. I created the site. I have posted the footage we shot in preparation for the launch and continue to create more and more scenes. Now I just need to provide as much value through the site as I possibly can and wait for the day when I am not only earning enough money to live by and helping others earn money as well, but also truly making an impact on women’s lives and changing the perception of the pornography created by and for women.