Bren Ryder

I love this time of year. When the new year approaches I always take time to look back at the past year and make goals and plans and resolutions for the new year. I’m not too concerned about the resolutions. They consist of the usual fair – eat better, exercise more. But, it’s not my goal to follow my resolutions all year long. They’ll naturally fluctuate throughout the year and I’m perfectly happy with that.

I don’t even remember what my resolutions were last year. Probably similar health habits and work habits. Looking back at 2008, I did make a major change in my exercise habits and began going to the gym 5 times a week first thing in the morning. December has been a bit of a write-off but September to November was amazing.

Looking back at Good Dyke Porn™ there have been a lot of accomplishments.

The website was only (a)live for 6 months at the beginning of 2008. The film festival film made a nice circuit in 2007 and the film went to Australia and Paris and Israel in 2008.

*I started this blog – BrenRyder.com

*I received a Feminist Porn Award: The Golden Beaver Award for Canadian Content.

*I published the first DVD – The Best of GoodDykePorn.com Volume 1

- Canadian Distributor for the DVD – Come As You Are
- US Distributor – Babeland
- The DVD available on three VOD websites.
(all new income)

…my favorite accomplishment:
*I lived off the earning from my business for 6 months out of the year. (And learned how to live on very little.)

Besides these physical accomplishments there have been many new connections made with queer revolutionaries, new models, supportive fans, and porn allies. Not to mention the incredible new fucking sex scenes that we’ve accumulated over the past year.

Now I have a huge list of goals for the new year, but I don’t want to get too crazy about trying to do too much because look at all the incredible things that can happen in a year – and that’s just a small business summary. Looking at blogs, the one piece of advice that I found is to come up with One Personal Goal and One Business Goal. So, out of my huge list of goals for the coming year I need to figure out which ONE is most important. If I could only accomplish that ONE goal what would it be? For 2008, that goal was definitely publishing our first DVD. And we did it!

Coming up with only one goal to focus on is not as easy as it looks, but it’s a perfect strategy for lazy easily distracted people like myself.

ONE GOAL – well, two really – one personal, one business. I’ll be back with what that is as soon as I figure it out.

I am working on a porn revolution. But did you know that I’m on a spiritual journey? Celebrating female sexuality is the easy part. It fits perfectly into my path and I believe in it. Money, however, is the hardest part of my spiritual journey to get a handle on. I’ve done okay for myself – relative to a homeless person. But I struggle to achieve the kind of financial abundance that I dream about. And I’m not talking about mansions and fast cars. I’d be happy to elevate beyond starving artist. So what have I learned from all this poverty and insecurity? What wisdom can I pass on?

Let’s brainstorm: Money is important. It does great things – pays off debt, buys gifts, finances churches and history-making election campaigns. Without money charity wouldn’t exist. Without money what would we stress about? The middle-class dream is to earn more than you spend, have nice things and a big savings account for retirement and emergencies. It doesn’t seem like a lot to ask for. But, there aren’t very many people who are content with their financial situation. Which means they must be spending more than they earn, have desires for more things and/or have an insufficient amount of savings.

Money is meant to be a tool. It’s meant to get your needs fulfilled in exchange for something: your time, your expertise, your objects. Is it a tool? Or, is it oxygen? Can we live without money? No.

Okay, so if money is like oxygen, then money sustains life. That is absolutely true. Literally, we cannot live without food and water and we pay for these things (plus shelter). Figuratively speaking, money breaths life into a business, a charity organization, an artistic project, a campaign, a demonstration, to name a few. Money is life. That I believe. But I have a hard time believing that money will always be there. Why? Because it won’t. Like life itself, it can end at anytime. I feel more confident that I will live another day than I do that money will return another day. I feel more confident that I will remain healthy for years to come than I do that I will have a steady income and a healthy balance on my accounts.

Life has no guarantee. I accept that life will someday end: for me, my loved ones, and everyone. I accept it because I have no control over it. I can do my part by breathing in and out, eating right, exercising and appreciating every day that I do have. Now, apply that to money.

I can’t control the money. Not in the grand scale. If I were to ever lose my money it would be completely beyond my control. What I can do is control “diet and exercise”. Every action I take, every mistake I make, and every success I see is a learning experience. I’ve learned that when I have a friend to go with I can get to the gym every morning. I can’t control the presence of viruses, contracting illnesses or sudden accidents, but I can get to the gym when I set up my schedule in a way that works for me.

So far, with money, I’ve discovered that I can no longer borrow money. Not for business, not temporarily, not for any reason. This decision has changed my financial situation immensely. Suddenly, I have achieved an important goal: make more than I spend. I make sure that happens no matter what. Being self-employed so my income is variable, but now that I’ve vowed to never borrow ever again, I make it work everyday.

That’s what’s working for me. That’s what I’ve learned about myself. That I can control – my spending, my guidelines. What I truly want, though, is for all of my debt to be paid off and a nice huge savings account to save me from financial emergencies. And I want that as soon as possible.

Let go of the outcome.

When life is the outcome, how do you let go? As a person who may be struggling with a terminal illness you know the intense difficulty in letting go of the outcome: staying alive. It seems like everyday all of us are fearing the death of abundance. So much so that it’s actually stifling our growth. Just like a highly stressed and angry person is stifling their own life and health. When we worry about money it’s like we’re worrying about death.

I never worry about having too much money. It’s always the opposite. So, to worry about losing money is like worrying about death. I choose not to worry about death, so it’s time to make a change in my thinking about money. If I’m worrying about money, then I’m worrying about death. And since I believe that whatever we focus on comes into being then I would never focus on death. Thus, it doesn’t make any sense to focus on the potential financial shortfall. In fact, it’s standing in my way of truly living, truly experiencing abundance.

A lot of us have a hard time with money. Financial experts are experiencing huge abundance to try to help us overcome our fears around money. We’ve mostly been taught that money is either good or evil. But it is neither. Or is it both?

Money is money. Life is life. Death is death. Money is life and money is death – metaphorically speaking, of course. When we worry about money, then we’re focusing on money as death. But, when we appreciate money and believe in the power of money, then we are focusing on money as life. Which is “better”? Life, of course. It’s easy for us spiritualists to believe in life and appreciate it, but now we need to translate that faith into our money. Money is an integral part of life and needs to be held up as important as life because it is life.

Until our society completely changes our system of exchange (not likely to ever happen), then money will be our currency of life. I am a healthy woman and I appreciate that. I live a good life and I appreciate that. Because of the society I grew up in I have a hard time believing that I deserve money as much as I deserve flexible limbs and a strong heart. That has to change. Money is life. And what I choose to do with it will change the world. As I change, then the world will change with me.

Ever since I can remember I’ve been lazy – or at least that’s what I was told. And maybe that’s why I embrace the lazy label so readily – because there’s been more than one loved one who’s mentioned it. Sometimes I try really hard to overcome this obstacle, this being lazy. If only I could stop being so lazy then I’d be able to accomplish so much. I’d make more money, my house would be cleaner, I’d be more knowledgeable, I’d eat better, I’d be healthier. Wow, life would be so much better if only I wasn’t lazy.

Bullshit. I’m all for personal development and GSD (Getting Shit Done), but sometimes you just have to let that go. I don’t know if I really am lazy or if I’m just addicted to boring activities. Everybody procrastinates, but it always gets done… eventually. Besides, I’m so gifted at taking pleasure in doing nothing. How can that be bad?

I don’t know if I’ll ever be a millionaire. By the time I’m old that’s going to have to be a bare minimum when it comes to real estate and retirement funds. I’m used to living in poverty – typical starving artist. Maybe if I worked harder then I’d make more money. Maybe if I make more money I’ll be happier. Happier? Is that even possible? I’m delighted by the simple prospect of spending hours doing absolutely nothing. So, how could the words “lazy” and “millionaire” be put side-by-side?

I’m willing to explore the possibility that things can happen in a way that’s completely contrary to what we’re led to believe. When I was young I was let to believe that the “lesbian lifestyle” was going to be a hard life: people wouldn’t treat me right, society wouldn’t accept my partnerships as legitimate, and I would never have a real family. I think overcoming those self-limiting beliefs is the reason why queers are a bit behind on careers and relationships – rather than the other theory that we need to overcome society’s oppression.

What if I can be who I am AND have a healthy and successful life? What if I can have enough money, be healthy and fit, have a good relationship AND be lazy. Maybe this character trait that people refer to as being lazy is actually something wonderful. Being a lesbian has turned out to be completely different from what I was led to believe. It turns out that being gay is actually better than being straight.

I’m going to start believing that being lazy is the superior way to live your life. The key here is to eliminate any sign of guilt when I’m being lazy. I can’t be guilty for following a path to happiness. That would be like having internalized lazybonesiphobia. It can only slow me down. Well, you know, slow me down more.

I vow to be lazy, to never feel guilty about it and to ultimately achieve my wildest dreams.

In the forum, a discussion has started asking the same question, “Do Men Belong in Dyke Porn? ” It’s not an easy question to answer.  My first instinct is to think, no, men do not belong in dyke porn. If there’s anywhere in the world that men don’t belong, surely, it is dyke porn.

I am fairly conscious of male privilage and I tend to notice the public display of differences between men and women. Even the little things stand out: in a room full of women, when a man is speaking the room tends to fall silent to listen, in print ads the older, wiser, gentleman is seen standing tall over the women, presumably teaching her something, and even space is taken up differently by a man.

I think I’m conscious of these things because I resemble a man to some people, but upon closer interaction I’m clearly a woman. This has put me in a grey zone and I notice things that other people might not notice.

The trans-movement has changed the way lesbians look at men. Your best friend is now a man, or your girlfriend is now a man. Most people are politically correct enough to accept that – now a days. And if you accept that your friend is now a fully a man, then your thoughts about men and male privilage will change too. Male privilage doesn’t go away you are just a lot more conscious that your five-foot-nothing furry faced friends need your support in finding their place in the world. And if that means loving men more, so be it. More love: the collatoral damage of changing identities.

In my reply to whether I think men belong in dyke porn or not I said that I was comfortable with men being in a few rare scenes as long as its primary objective was to serve the dyke fantasy (something like that). We’re always hearing about how dykes love to watch gay-boy porn so they can’t be too offended by the penis.

I am making plans to hook up with a transguy and his bio-guy boyfriend to talk about shooting a scene. It seems to me to be an appropriate scene to shoot for dyke porn. Transguys form a large part of the dyke/queer community so that’s a natural fit for me and dykes like to watch gay porn so there you go… gay/trans/dyke porn.

In my opinion, the queer community is such a diverse place that our porn should reflect that diversity. Transguys and their boyfriends are a part of my world. I think there’s definitely room for that specific genre to be expanded and websites created just for this degree of gender or that degree of sexual orientation, but this is dyke porn, so come watch us dykes queer it up the best way we know how – with the people of our community.

Bottom-line, any queer individual who feels comfortable participating in the dyke porn movement is welcome to join us.