Bren Ryder

Ever since I can remember I’ve been lazy – or at least that’s what I was told. And maybe that’s why I embrace the lazy label so readily – because there’s been more than one loved one who’s mentioned it. Sometimes I try really hard to overcome this obstacle, this being lazy. If only I could stop being so lazy then I’d be able to accomplish so much. I’d make more money, my house would be cleaner, I’d be more knowledgeable, I’d eat better, I’d be healthier. Wow, life would be so much better if only I wasn’t lazy.

Bullshit. I’m all for personal development and GSD (Getting Shit Done), but sometimes you just have to let that go. I don’t know if I really am lazy or if I’m just addicted to boring activities. Everybody procrastinates, but it always gets done… eventually. Besides, I’m so gifted at taking pleasure in doing nothing. How can that be bad?

I don’t know if I’ll ever be a millionaire. By the time I’m old that’s going to have to be a bare minimum when it comes to real estate and retirement funds. I’m used to living in poverty – typical starving artist. Maybe if I worked harder then I’d make more money. Maybe if I make more money I’ll be happier. Happier? Is that even possible? I’m delighted by the simple prospect of spending hours doing absolutely nothing. So, how could the words “lazy” and “millionaire” be put side-by-side?

I’m willing to explore the possibility that things can happen in a way that’s completely contrary to what we’re led to believe. When I was young I was let to believe that the “lesbian lifestyle” was going to be a hard life: people wouldn’t treat me right, society wouldn’t accept my partnerships as legitimate, and I would never have a real family. I think overcoming those self-limiting beliefs is the reason why queers are a bit behind on careers and relationships – rather than the other theory that we need to overcome society’s oppression.

What if I can be who I am AND have a healthy and successful life? What if I can have enough money, be healthy and fit, have a good relationship AND be lazy. Maybe this character trait that people refer to as being lazy is actually something wonderful. Being a lesbian has turned out to be completely different from what I was led to believe. It turns out that being gay is actually better than being straight.

I’m going to start believing that being lazy is the superior way to live your life. The key here is to eliminate any sign of guilt when I’m being lazy. I can’t be guilty for following a path to happiness. That would be like having internalized lazybonesiphobia. It can only slow me down. Well, you know, slow me down more.

I vow to be lazy, to never feel guilty about it and to ultimately achieve my wildest dreams.