Bren Ryder

Currently, I run my porn business in my spare time and I work a day job to pay my bills. It’s an easy, moderately physical job doing window cleaning. I’ve been doing this “shitty job” off and on for about 12 years. I have phases of hating it and phases of loving it. It’s good to get out of the house, to move my body and listen to music on my ipod and work with an immediate return on time invested. But, of course, it’s not really what I want to do with my time and the managers in this industry tend to use control tactics for methods of management, which drives me crazy. I don’t play games in any of my relationships, so why would I tolerate it for work?

Lately, I’ve been trying to work out how I can do both and enjoy both and make money and take time off. There has been some progress in this direction, but more setbacks than anything else.

Then, a wonderful thing happened. I started to hate my job again. I can’t stand it. I don’t want to spend my time doing that shit. It takes away from the much more important work of creating dyke porn, promoting it to the world, and engaging in the porn community as an advocate for ethical and positive sexual representation in porn.

I can’t quit my job out right just yet (though, I wish I could). Lately, I’ve been getting a lot of porn submissions and local people who want to shoot scenes and I need to use the little money that’s coming in for them. But, I’m motivated. I’m motivated by hate. Grrrrr. I hate my job. Ha ha. I don’t hate anything, actually. But, I’m going to pretend that I’m letting this job plant hatred in my heart. Hatred for the godforsaken evil of the fucking day job.

The last time I hated my job I began an experiment in thinking that I had more time in my day than I actually did – just as a mental hokus pokus sort of thing (more flakiness of which I’d be happy to reveal to you, in time). Then I got fired. It was awesome! The best thing that could have happened. And I managed to work the biz for almost a year. Although, I’m still paying back my ex-girlfriend for her support. It’s time for that to happen again, sort of. Here’s what’s going to happen: this crawl towards financial sustainability is going to turn into a walk, then a run, then I’m going cross over to a truly independent producer of fucking good dyke porn. Independent of studios and corporate producers, but more importantly, independent of day job managers that validate their existance by controlling me and my time.

People frequently ask me how they can help to contribute to the success of this business. I’m still trying to figure out ways you can do that for free, but, the best way is to buy a membership. If I have money to pay my bills then I have time to make porn and pay people for their bravery. One of my favourite things about being an entrepreneur is how my work gets money into the hands of queer women around the world. From nothing, comes creative works of sexual expression, and from multiple contributions comes lump sum payments direct to the performer for that work. A beautiful porn economy. Help me to make my dream come true, buy a membership.

This video might be true for me sooner than later (I hope):

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