Bren Ryder

It’s the one year anniversary of Good Dyke Porn being online, I paid myself for the first time and I’ll be continuing to pay myself every month from now on. Getting fired from my day job forced my hand. Previously, I would use any “extra” money to pay for music or graphic design or equipment or supplies or you name it and we need it. But I gotta eat, so I’m forced to put my own income at the top of the budget priority list. I’m not making a lot right now, but it’s about the same as if I were on the dole. That level of income isn’t easy that’s for sure, but working full-time on creating these scenes and making the website great while actually having time to do my accounting is absolutely brilliant. I work a lot on the business - too much sometimes - but it’ll take a couple of months to get into a productive and abundant mindset. My mindset is key the my future success. Let me explain.

As I see it, there are two paths my mind can take right now. The first (and most common) is the scarcity/worry mindset. The second is abundance/success mindset. Let’s look at the scarcity/worry mindset because while living on $1000/month in one of the most expensive cities in Canada my mind tends to automatically adopt this mindset.

At this moment the money is low and worry is close to the surface. Thoughts like: What if the money doesn’t increase? What if I’m stuck at this level of income and I can’t pay all my bills and pay down my debt. It is here where the idea of a thousand members or more seems nearly impossible, only a fantastical dream. I hope for it, but, I don’t expect it. It’s natural to feel worried about these things bu the problem is that the more I focus on the lack of income the comfortable I will feel in a reality that doesn’t have enough money for me. It’s where I’ve been most of my life. Some people might think that a lack of money would make me feel uncomfortable and thus more motivated to increase my income but because I’ve spent most of my life feeling normal at near poverty then that is where I will stay no matter how badly I want that to change. Unless I change my mindset.

The second, abundance mindset is where I need to be. I’ve always wanted more money and less debt - who hasn’t? But the mindset isn’t about what I want, it’s about what I feel comfortable with - about what’s normal. I feel normal having $20 - $30 in my wallet and $100 - $200 on hand in the bank. If I lost a dollar I wouldn’t be upset about it. But, if I lost $100 I would truly miss it. I might even experience an intense emotional reaction to such a loss. My goal is to make $100 feel like $1.

Since I’ve been in the scarcity mindset for so long, it’s going to take some delibrate focus to change to the abundance mindset. This may sound a bit funny: make money by changing your mind, but it’s important. Not only to get that money flowing to you but to keep that abundance once it arrives. If you’ve ever had a time in your life when you made more money you might have noticed that you didn’t actually have much “extra” money. Why is that? Obviously because you spent more, but more importantly because that level of income felt normal to you. It didn’t feel especially “abundant”, it was just your current reality. So, while working towards an increase in income the mind needs to go to where you will be when you have it and instead of getting excited about it simply feel normal and comfortable with it.

For some people, my financial reality is way above them, but I never have any trouble maintaining it. I’ve lived paycheque to paycheque, job to job and always managed to pay my bills and take care of myself with very little outside help. A roof over my head, food in my fridge and fun events and activities with my friends are all normal for me. Now I need to change my normal. The status quo needs an upgrade. Not long from now $100 will feel like $1.

An exercise I’m trying to achieve this change in mindset is to take a dollar and keep it in my pocket and focus on it as it if’s $100. I think about all the things that $100 would buy, but I don’t label it $100 I think “this” (the dollar) would buy “that” (whatever I see that day that costs $100) and then after doing this multiple times throughout the day I give away the dollar to a beggar or purposely leave it behind somewhere. I’ll keep you updated on my progress. Try it yourself and let me know how it works for changing your mindset.

I think this is truly the Holy Grail of productivity. How, on earth, do I get all this shit done? All this shit that is keeping me from realizing my dream. All this shit that will one day lead me to my ideal life. If only I could get shit done, then my life would be perfect.

I’ve read books and blogs on productivity and how to prioritize and simplify and get that shit done. I’ve tried working for really really long hours and working for short spurts of work. I tried “Big Rocks First” and “MIT’s” and “microtasking”. I’ve tried working in a dark office, a café, my kitchen table, outside and in bed.

I occasionally will do a weekly review and update my long-term goals.
I’ve downloaded a variety of productivity software - which I spend all my time figuring out how to use.

There’s one part of productivity that I’m always drawn to: simplicity.

[I just diverted from my writing to check out zenhabits.net - a blog about simplistic productivity - and found our how to get shit down. A giant list of lists.]

Top 20 Productivity Lists

This article will take me a few hours to get through, but after I’m done, I’m really going to get shit done.

Check out my monthly contribution to “Porn at Large” column in the Village Voice Sex Blog - NakedCity.com!

Every Thursday, Naked City expands your pornographic worldview with tales from the far reaches of the earth. Four international pornographers share this space to tell all about the experiences of being porny and making porn outside of the United States.

Bren Ryder is the creator of Good Dyke Porn, an independent amateur hard core pornographic video website which proudly features authentic queer women having amazingly hot sex.

I had a conversation with a friend recently who is a no-nonsense, out-spoken, hard-core feminist about porn. We were talking about what I do and she listened politely as I spoke about it and then proceeded to let me know why porn was incredibly wrong and harmful to women. I admit it, I was shocked. I really didn’t know that feminists still felt that way. She was utterly against all porn for the following reasons: the violence against women, the profiting off of women’s sex (and violence against her) and using powerless and vulnerable women. I’m sure that does happen in the world. I don’t doubt that, unfortunately. But, then I had to ask, “What does any of that have to do with what I do?” She replied, You make porn.

Porn. It’s a word that holds a lot of meaning for people…

Read more: Naked City blog article by Bren Ryder

My muscles are aching. Right above my shoulder-blades is that good soreness. Holding the camera up to my grinning face for hour-long takes on our Femme Circle Jerk scene has left my muscles a little tired.

This weekend was a shooting weekend. The first one in a little while. All the models set their day aside to be on set for this amazing scene. After a few changes of plans the crew came together about an hour before we got started. The day quickly began to smoothly sail along as we all got settled into the living room of a friend of the Good Dyke Porn Team. The theme was simply for a group of femme queer women to get together, wear fun lingerie and masturbate with their favorite toys.

It was beautiful. The women were truly stunning. The orgasms were sweet, vocal, multiple and wore everyone out by the end of the day. I just kept thinking, This is so beautiful. By the end of the day I felt very proud of what we had done, eager to watch the footage and get started on the editing: one of my favorite parts of the job.

This euphoria was soon shattered when I realized that no audio was recorded at all. Not on either one of the cameras. Turns out the one camera that had working audio wasn’t plugged in properly. It was my fault. I was trying to do too many things at once. I had a great crew - just a few of us. I like to keep the crew fairly small to facilitate a more intimate environment. Unfortunately, I’m too unorganized to ensure that accidents like this don’t happen. Besides that I’m still trying to get the video off of the tape - yet another technical difficulty that I hope to overcome. The future of these beautiful images are uncertain and this fact was crushing to me. I felt so disappointed and worried that I was going to disappoint everyone who gave so much to the shoot - the models and the crew.

I am very conscious about remaining positive about my life not matter what is happening. When it comes to hard times, it could be A LOT worse. (Hello! Femme Circle Jerk!) I am hoping to recover some video, but sometimes these things happen. I’ve shot nearly 20 scenes and haven’t had any significant problems. I suppose I was due for a big one. But, besides that, I feel like this business needs to get organized.

Now my intention is to obsessively get organized and create systems to materialize my greatest dreams. Then I will use that same obsessive energy to decrease the amount of work I do to accomplish these dreams. It’s a vision I’ve had for myself and for what I want to accomplish for a long time.

This new phase of work is a combination of a few of my favorite books: anyting by Deepak Chopra, Getting Things Done, 4 Hour Work Week, E Myth Mastery, The Type-Z Guide To Success: A Lazy Person’s Manifesto for Wealth and Fulfillment.

Can this lazy labourer make the business successful, create hyper-organized systems and orchestrate a life in line with a clear and inspiring vision? Stay tuned.

It’s autobiographical. It reveals the how-to. And it’s unique. Follow your own path and please feel free to tell me about it.

1. In the summer of 2006, I decided to stop trying to create a career in mainstream society and become a pornographer. After that decision was made I immediately began work on starting my first website, GoodDykePorn.com. I didn’t know anything about how to create or run a website so I thought I would teach myself.
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2. I asked a few experts to see if they could do it for me, but, since I didn’t have any money and I like to be in control of things I decided to do it myself. I spent the summer doing research on adult webmaster sites and existing independent lesbian/queer porn sites. Research and Development is a very fun phase of the business. You get to talk to a lot of interesting people and watch plenty of porn. I, of course, made sure I kept all my receipts. Right in the middle of this phase of development the movie, The Crash Pad, came to The Vancouver Queer Film Festival. I approached Shine Louise Houston at the screening and asked her if I could buy her brunch the next day to get the inside scoop. She was really nice and as helpful as she could be. The brunch ended up being with a large group so we didn’t get much time to talk shop but I appreciated her effort and felt inspired and motivated to know that I wasn’t the only one out there working to contribute to the genre of “dyke porn”.
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3. By the end of summer I’d figured out how to make one page of a website. I put a picture of myself and the words “Good Dyke Porn - looking for models to create authentic sex scenes”. I posted it on the community site, Superdyke.com and immediately got a flood of emails. At least 10 women wanting to model and nearly a hundred who wanted to encourage and congratulate me on the endeavor.
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4. It was Remembrance Day, November 11. For weeks we’d been planning our first shoot and had all the equipment rented, locations booked and experienced a few snags. We had two scenes booked. One was a “solo”. The plan was that I was going to film her masturbating and she was going to cajole me into joining her. I would be convinced, of course. The second scene was one between a couple. Done and done. A week before the shoot, we planned a martini party to allow all the cast and crew to meet each other and celebrate the beginning of Good Dyke Porn. By the end of the night the first scene was a bust. The “solo” model’s girlfriend decided she didn’t want to have an open relationship anymore. And, within a couple of days the couple had broken up.
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5. Determined, I declared the show must go on. The crew already started making other plans but I got to work scheduling last minute models. I filled in for the “couple scene”. Check out “Geneva and Bren Ryder” on the site. And, it just so happened that an interested out-of-towner was brave enough to perform the “solo scene”. “Romeo Cooley” was amazing with the toys I got for her. The very first shoot was a success!
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6. The goal for starting the site was to have enough videos available to view with the purchase of a membership. So, we continued our work in bringing together hot dykes, bis, bois, femmes, queers, transguys, couples, groups, and solos. I put together a short film with two of these scenes and a montage of these early months of shooting. It was my dream to premiere this film in Vancouver, my home, and coincide the launch of the website with the screening.
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7. In preparation for this glorious occasion, I secured funding to shoot all these scenes, I learned how to use a Content Management System for the website, I quit my day job and got a loan to get me through, I worked day and night in front of the computer, learned Final Cut Pro and bit-by-bit turn that dream into a reality. In August 2007, at the Vancouver Queer Film Festival, in front of an overflowing theatre, I introduced Good Dyke Porn to my community and my dream came true. One year prior I was telling everyone who would listen that I was going to create a website called GoodDykePorn.com and there I was in front of everyone saying, “I did it! I followed through with my promise”.
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This is the blog article that inspired this site. Disguised as a how-to manual, this is basically a story of how I got started and how a person’s path can be very individual. Originally published on GoodDykePorn.com.

Here is the official step-by-step program on how to become a pornographer. Follow it precisely for the result of fame and fortune. Not really. Actually, it’s a very personal description of how I came to be a pornographer.

1. Be an artist:
People who go to film school and play with their video cameras in an artistic way like to call themselves filmmakers. I am a filmmaker. I wrote papers on films. I made 10 minute shorts at the instruction of “real” filmmakers. It’s a passion. It’s my creative outlet. I love creating films. But, I never got into the film industry. The job aspect of being “in film” didn’t appeal to me. All I wanted to do was make artistic personal short films and maybe do some writing. But, how could I possibly live doing that? My love of creative independent films lead me to ask the question: How can I make an artistic short film that people will want to watch over and over. Answer: porn.

2. Be a geek:
Computers, computers, computers. I’ve always had one either in my house or at work so, you know, like most people I’m familiar. But, this process has been an amazing learning experience. I learn by doing and I don’t have any trouble spending hours and hours in front of the computer learning how to create a website and integrate a content management system and turn a vision into reality. The porn industry is the best way to learn internet technology. By the time I’m through with all this I’m going to be quite the skilled self-taught geeky techno pervert.

3. Be a victim of men’s sexual violence:
Women have issues around sex and sexuality just by being in the world and being women and we all have to work through them at some point and hopefully come to a place free of shame and lovingly acceptance of our bodies and our sexuality. But, there isn’t a better way to be faced with major issues surrounding sexuality than being sexually assaulted. Whether it was child abuse, date rape, chronic coersion, or just plain old sexual assault from a stranger, we, as women, are put to the task to make right what was once altered by a man.

I was in a relationship with a man in my teenage years that was just abusive enough to cause damage but not enough that I could realize it for years to come. As a result, once I became an adult lesbian woman who stopped ignoring everything that was slightly painful, I began to explore my sexuality and discovered a whole new world. I’m still exploring that world. The world of sex. And what better way to do that than videotape other people’s sexual fantasies and have sex in front of the camera myself. This is just one part of all the many things that have contributed to my journey to pornography, but, when the goal of making porn is to show the beauty of sex, the pride of our bodies, the intimacy we share, and the adventure of making ourselves vulnerable then my own personal goals were dying to be one and the same.

4. Dream about what you really want:
I have always had crappy jobs here and there and travelled and lived in different cities. I’ve started a few one-woman run businesses. I was never much into the idea of “having a job”. Seems kind of ridiculous, doesn’t it? Everybody needs to have a job. And I’ve worked a lot in my life and continue to this day. But, I dream of greater things. I dream of spending my days creating films. I dream of working at my own time at my own pace for however long I want to. I dream of making an impact on the porn industry by creating positively sexy films of real queer women. Crazy! My dreams have always kept me from committing to a “good job”. I was always worried that it would trap me and that I’d never be able to let go of the security of the job and take chances like I am now with starting and running this website. It’s also led to step #5, but, I believe my dreams of greater things are now finally taking me towards those wonderful things - a life I can only dream about.

5. Fail at achieving any semblance of a career:
A lot of people who I’ve talked to say they really would love to do porn or be involved in the creation of it in any way, but they have to consider their career. They’re lawyers, doctors, teachers, youth workers, etc. That’s not me. My other job is a window cleaner. The guys who I work with are very happy to hear about my porn endeavors. The porn isn’t going to hurt my career as a window cleaner. I used to think I needed a job eventually. In the past I considered becoming a firefighter. I’m not sure how porn and the fire department would’ve mixed. I suspect not very well. Well, of course, the men there love their porn, but to be a comrade who is actually in that porn - not so much. I chose to discontinue my pursuit to become a firefighter and turned all focus on the website. All this happened at the same time as a major life change.

6. Get dumped:
Truthfully, getting dumped doesn’t accurately describe what happened. It was much more amicable than that. But it does sound quite dramatic, though, doesn’t it? What is true, however, is that the end of a long term relationship pushed me towards massive change. It was at this time a took the leap. I didn’t have anyone but myself to be accountable towards and if I wanted to start a porn company, then I was free to do so. And that’s just what I did.

7. Be comfortable with poverty:
Living in Canada I don’t really experience poverty. I am an able-bodied adult so work is easy to come by. The trick is to follow your dream and start your own business with very little start up costs. I chose to not work for a long period of time while I set up the website, shot and edited the footage, studied software, internet technology, researched the porn industry and turned my dream into a reality. Now, I am poorer than I’ve ever been and I’ve racked up more debt than I’ve ever had.

8. Have faith:
Now that I have a functioning website, plenty of encouragement and potential for the future, I’m going back to work. I have to. This means more of my time is occupied with what one calls “work”. Work for money, work for the website, work for blogs, and work on trying to manage all that while still spending time with people I love. I have faith that my work will one day pay off. All the money I owe will be paid back. The crappy day-job will be no longer necessary and I will be making a positive impact on the lives and sexualities of women, transfolks, and men around the world.

9. Find god:
Starting this business has been one of the most ambitious things I’ve ever done. The first thing I needed to take care of was my self-discipline. I knew that I had to make improvements on getting things done in a timely manner if I was to realize this dream. In my google searches and visits to the library I was constantly exposed to spiritual ideas on personal development. I’ve never been a religious person, but the more I read the more I began to embrace the ever popular ideas about positive thinking, non-physical worlds, and living with love in mind. Suddenly my goal to become more focused on the tasks at hand became a goal to love everyone and everything unconditionally and to create films out of love for the highest good. You’re probably laughing at me now. I would too. I’ve turned into quite the flake these days. But, let me tell you my friend, I’m friggin’ manifesting all over the place. Dreams do come true.

10. Be vulnerable:
When I first started to think about this project I had to figure out whether I wanted to do this as my second life - with a second personality - or if I wanted to just be me and be open and exposed. In the past I’ve been a very private person. I wouldn’t share personal stories on the internet or have much to do with anything online at all. If I participated in a discussion forum I would be very vague about my personal life and I didn’t invest much time into online activities.
I came to the decision that if my goal was to capture the real vulnerability of sex and porn and expose it in a way that’s truly beautiful and free of shame, then I needed to do the same with myself. I believe that there is no shame in sex between women, in watching porn or performing your sex for others to see. So, part of my mission became to expose myself not only physically, but emotionally and psychologically. Artists make themselves vulnerable by showing their work to others. I do that. People may like it and they may not. So, let’s take it further. I expose my body for everyone to see. Some may like it others may not. Then, I’ll blog about it. People are free to judge me any way they see fit. It’s beyond my control.

11. Practice infinite patience:
I did it. I created the site. I have posted the footage we shot in preparation for the launch and continue to create more and more scenes. Now I just need to provide as much value through the site as I possibly can and wait for the day when I am not only earning enough money to live by and helping others earn money as well, but also truly making an impact on women’s lives and changing the perception of the pornography created by and for women.