Bren Ryder

It’s autobiographical. It reveals the how-to. And it’s unique. Follow your own path and please feel free to tell me about it.

1. In the summer of 2006, I decided to stop trying to create a career in mainstream society and become a pornographer. After that decision was made I immediately began work on starting my first website, GoodDykePorn.com. I didn’t know anything about how to create or run a website so I thought I would teach myself.
   ********
2. I asked a few experts to see if they could do it for me, but, since I didn’t have any money and I like to be in control of things I decided to do it myself. I spent the summer doing research on adult webmaster sites and existing independent lesbian/queer porn sites. Research and Development is a very fun phase of the business. You get to talk to a lot of interesting people and watch plenty of porn. I, of course, made sure I kept all my receipts. Right in the middle of this phase of development the movie, The Crash Pad, came to The Vancouver Queer Film Festival. I approached Shine Louise Houston at the screening and asked her if I could buy her brunch the next day to get the inside scoop. She was really nice and as helpful as she could be. The brunch ended up being with a large group so we didn’t get much time to talk shop but I appreciated her effort and felt inspired and motivated to know that I wasn’t the only one out there working to contribute to the genre of “dyke porn”.
   *******
3. By the end of summer I’d figured out how to make one page of a website. I put a picture of myself and the words “Good Dyke Porn – looking for models to create authentic sex scenes”. I posted it on the community site, Superdyke.com and immediately got a flood of emails. At least 10 women wanting to model and nearly a hundred who wanted to encourage and congratulate me on the endeavor.
   ********
4. It was Remembrance Day, November 11. For weeks we’d been planning our first shoot and had all the equipment rented, locations booked and experienced a few snags. We had two scenes booked. One was a “solo”. The plan was that I was going to film her masturbating and she was going to cajole me into joining her. I would be convinced, of course. The second scene was one between a couple. Done and done. A week before the shoot, we planned a martini party to allow all the cast and crew to meet each other and celebrate the beginning of Good Dyke Porn. By the end of the night the first scene was a bust. The “solo” model’s girlfriend decided she didn’t want to have an open relationship anymore. And, within a couple of days the couple had broken up.
   ********
5. Determined, I declared the show must go on. The crew already started making other plans but I got to work scheduling last minute models. I filled in for the “couple scene”. Check out “Geneva and Bren Ryder” on the site. And, it just so happened that an interested out-of-towner was brave enough to perform the “solo scene”. “Romeo Cooley” was amazing with the toys I got for her. The very first shoot was a success!
   ********
6. The goal for starting the site was to have enough videos available to view with the purchase of a membership. So, we continued our work in bringing together hot dykes, bis, bois, femmes, queers, transguys, couples, groups, and solos. I put together a short film with two of these scenes and a montage of these early months of shooting. It was my dream to premiere this film in Vancouver, my home, and coincide the launch of the website with the screening.
   ********
7. In preparation for this glorious occasion, I secured funding to shoot all these scenes, I learned how to use a Content Management System for the website, I quit my day job and got a loan to get me through, I worked day and night in front of the computer, learned Final Cut Pro and bit-by-bit turn that dream into a reality. In August 2007, at the Vancouver Queer Film Festival, in front of an overflowing theatre, I introduced Good Dyke Porn to my community and my dream came true. One year prior I was telling everyone who would listen that I was going to create a website called GoodDykePorn.com and there I was in front of everyone saying, “I did it! I followed through with my promise”.
   ********

My muscles are aching. Right above my shoulder-blades is that good soreness. Holding the camera up to my grinning face for hour-long takes on our Femme Circle Jerk scene has left my muscles a little tired.

This weekend was a shooting weekend. The first one in a little while. All the models set their day aside to be on set for this amazing scene. After a few changes of plans the crew came together about an hour before we got started. The day quickly began to smoothly sail along as we all got settled into the living room of a friend of the Good Dyke Porn Team. The theme was simply for a group of femme queer women to get together, wear fun lingerie and masturbate with their favorite toys.

It was beautiful. The women were truly stunning. The orgasms were sweet, vocal, multiple and wore everyone out by the end of the day. I just kept thinking, This is so beautiful. By the end of the day I felt very proud of what we had done, eager to watch the footage and get started on the editing: one of my favorite parts of the job.

This euphoria was soon shattered when I realized that no audio was recorded at all. Not on either one of the cameras. Turns out the one camera that had working audio wasn’t plugged in properly. It was my fault. I was trying to do too many things at once. I had a great crew – just a few of us. I like to keep the crew fairly small to facilitate a more intimate environment. Unfortunately, I’m too unorganized to ensure that accidents like this don’t happen. Besides that I’m still trying to get the video off of the tape – yet another technical difficulty that I hope to overcome. The future of these beautiful images are uncertain and this fact was crushing to me. I felt so disappointed and worried that I was going to disappoint everyone who gave so much to the shoot – the models and the crew.

I am very conscious about remaining positive about my life not matter what is happening. When it comes to hard times, it could be A LOT worse. (Hello! Femme Circle Jerk!) I am hoping to recover some video, but sometimes these things happen. I’ve shot nearly 20 scenes and haven’t had any significant problems. I suppose I was due for a big one. But, besides that, I feel like this business needs to get organized.

Now my intention is to obsessively get organized and create systems to materialize my greatest dreams. Then I will use that same obsessive energy to decrease the amount of work I do to accomplish these dreams. It’s a vision I’ve had for myself and for what I want to accomplish for a long time.

This new phase of work is a combination of a few of my favorite books: anyting by Deepak Chopra, Getting Things Done, 4 Hour Work Week, E Myth Mastery, The Type-Z Guide To Success: A Lazy Person’s Manifesto for Wealth and Fulfillment.

Can this lazy labourer make the business successful, create hyper-organized systems and orchestrate a life in line with a clear and inspiring vision? Stay tuned.

1. Tell People You’re a Pornographer.

It was the end of summer.  Labour Day had come and gone along with so many parties and fun beautiful women.  Time to get down to work.  I’d been talking about making real dyke porn for a while, so I made a page on the website explaining that I was looking for models and crew and created a profile on Superdyke.com – the lesbian online hangout for queer women in Vancouver.  Within hours I had nearly 10 women who were interested in performing.  I was jumping out of my skin with excitement.

One of the women who messaged me was Geneva.  She sent me some photos of herself and we set up a coffee date to talk more.  My first impression was, “Are you fucking kidding me?”  She looked hot.  Meanwhile I was also messaged by Alex Craven who said she was interested in performing for a porn scene.  I arranged for all of us to meet and before long Geneva and Alex Craven committed to shooting a scene for me.  Perfect.

2.  Walk the Talk.

It was important to me to get started shooting as quickly as possible.  Many people talk about making some porn, making it different from what already exists, but few people actually do it.  I wanted to be one of those few that do.  We scheduled the first shoot for Rememberance Day weekend.  The two months prior to the shoot was enough time to meet, talk about what was expected, what they wanted, what I wanted, secure some investment money, get all of our STI clinic results, find a crew and book the equipment.

3.  Always provide Martinis.

Geneva and Alex Craven were booked for Saturday and another eager participant was booked for Sunday.  She came to this project without a porno partner.  After discussing the options, I decided to move from behind the camera and do a scene with her.  We were essentially strangers to each other and our scene was meant to be just that – two strangers hooking up for the first time.  One week prior to the shoot I invited all the cast and crew and their partners out for martini’s so everyone could meet each other before getting busy in front of the camera.  The evening was lovely and the martinis delicious, but as soon as it ended everything began to fall apart:  The next day my Sunday scene partner cancelled on me.  Her open relationship with her long term partner suddenly closed.

4.  Don’t Give Up.

Now, what would Good Dyke Porn be without some good old dyke drama.  I immediate set out to fill the Sunday vacancy with someone who would generously share their body on film with less than a week’s notice.  bjROMEO become that woman.  She was awesome.  We only messaged online and talked on the phone before the day of the shoot.  She was in town only briefly and she bravely shared her experience of masterbating for a couple of women with video cameras in their hands.  Check out her solo scene in the members area.

I scouted out the location at Alex Craven’s place and set up Saturday’s shoot as planned.  Everything seemed to be moving along smoothly, right up to the day before the shoot.  I was out driving around town taking care of a few errands when I got the call.  First, Alex called to apologetically give me the news that she was no longer available to shoot the scene.  Unsurprised by this sudden infusion of drama, I assured her that the shoot was not important.  Two seconds later Geneva called me to update me on the situation.  Things looked bleak.  My first shoot and it’s hitting obstacles at every turn.  Before hanging up the phone with Geneva, I desperately tried to salvage the weekend.  Would you like to do the scene with me?, I timidly asked.  Sure.  Yes.  Of course. She responds.

5.  Take One For the Team.

So there I was scheduled to fuck on camera.  I was happy to do it – take one for the team – so to speak.  At the same time I was completely terrified.  On the day of the shoot I spent about 5 hours preparing the scene.  I think I was a bit nervous.  We put together a minor plot – Geneva paints, Bren Ryder videotapes her, then they screw.  Besides that brilliant plot, we decided that Geneva would dominate me.  I’d never been “formally” dominated and she’s an expert, so I asked her to do her thing.  She wouldn’t tell me what she was going to do.  She wanted to keep everything a surprise to me.  It felt good to let go and let her smack me around for a bit.  It was a sexy little taste of her domination talents.

6.  Be Yourself (especially if you’re a porn star).

Performing in the first scene I ever shot for the website was an incredible experience.  It was fun and sexy.  I felt excited by the possibilties of creating this porn and being so exposed and vulnerable.  And have you seen Geneva’s tits?  She’s a fucking gorgeous woman – in every way.  I’m at a loss for words to describe the scene.  You’ll just have to watch it for yourself.  One thing I can tell you, though, is that the final clip may appear as though it will continue, but, it doesn’t.  About one minute after Geneva declares, “I’m not going to cum, yet, I refuse”, the tape ended, the battery died and the crew had to leave.  Geneva and I decided to go on without them, but the video didn’t turn out.  I did have a massive orgasm, though.  If you’d like to hear it, I pasted that audio onto the film festival film, Good Dyke Porn.  Check it out.

7.  Believe That Anything’s Possible.

In the end, the first weekend of shooting was a success.  Eventually, Geneva and Alex Craven got together to shoot their scene.  You can find their exclusive, sexy scene in the Members area.  If you enjoy watching Geneva, you can see her in an upcoming role playing scene with Créme de la Créme.

8.  Appreciate Your Good Fortune.

That’s all I have to say about that.

This is the blog article that inspired BrenRyder.com. Disguised as a how-to manual, this is basically a story of how I got started and how a person’s path can be very individual. Originally published on GoodDykePorn.com.

Here is the official step-by-step program on how to become a pornographer. Follow it precisely for the result of fame and fortune. Not really. Actually, it’s a very personal description of how I came to be a pornographer.

1. Be an artist:
People who go to film school and play with their video cameras in an artistic way like to call themselves filmmakers. I am a filmmaker. I wrote papers on films. I made 10 minute shorts at the instruction of “real” filmmakers. It’s a passion. It’s my creative outlet. I love creating films. But, I never got into the film industry. The job aspect of being “in film” didn’t appeal to me. All I wanted to do was make artistic personal short films and maybe do some writing. But, how could I possibly live doing that? My love of creative independent films lead me to ask the question: How can I make an artistic short film that people will want to watch over and over. Answer: porn.

2. Be a geek:
Computers, computers, computers. I’ve always had one either in my house or at work so, you know, like most people I’m familiar. But, this process has been an amazing learning experience. I learn by doing and I don’t have any trouble spending hours and hours in front of the computer learning how to create a website and integrate a content management system and turn a vision into reality. The porn industry is the best way to learn internet technology. By the time I’m through with all this I’m going to be quite the skilled self-taught geeky techno pervert.

3. Be a victim of men’s sexual violence:
Women have issues around sex and sexuality just by being in the world and being women and we all have to work through them at some point and hopefully come to a place free of shame and lovingly acceptance of our bodies and our sexuality. But, there isn’t a better way to be faced with major issues surrounding sexuality than being sexually assaulted. Whether it was child abuse, date rape, chronic coersion, or just plain old sexual assault from a stranger, we, as women, are put to the task to make right what was once altered by a man.

I was in a relationship with a man in my teenage years that was just abusive enough to cause damage but not enough that I could realize it for years to come. As a result, once I became an adult lesbian woman who stopped ignoring everything that was slightly painful, I began to explore my sexuality and discovered a whole new world. I’m still exploring that world. The world of sex. And what better way to do that than videotape other people’s sexual fantasies and have sex in front of the camera myself. This is just one part of all the many things that have contributed to my journey to pornography, but, when the goal of making porn is to show the beauty of sex, the pride of our bodies, the intimacy we share, and the adventure of making ourselves vulnerable then my own personal goals were dying to be one and the same.

4. Dream about what you really want:
I have always had crappy jobs here and there and travelled and lived in different cities. I’ve started a few one-woman run businesses. I was never much into the idea of “having a job”. Seems kind of ridiculous, doesn’t it? Everybody needs to have a job. And I’ve worked a lot in my life and continue to this day. But, I dream of greater things. I dream of spending my days creating films. I dream of working at my own time at my own pace for however long I want to. I dream of making an impact on the porn industry by creating positively sexy films of real queer women. Crazy! My dreams have always kept me from committing to a “good job”. I was always worried that it would trap me and that I’d never be able to let go of the security of the job and take chances like I am now with starting and running this website. It’s also led to step #5, but, I believe my dreams of greater things are now finally taking me towards those wonderful things – a life I can only dream about.

5. Fail at achieving any semblance of a career:
A lot of people who I’ve talked to say they really would love to do porn or be involved in the creation of it in any way, but they have to consider their career. They’re lawyers, doctors, teachers, youth workers, etc. That’s not me. My other job is a window cleaner. The guys who I work with are very happy to hear about my porn endeavors. The porn isn’t going to hurt my career as a window cleaner. I used to think I needed a job eventually. In the past I considered becoming a firefighter. I’m not sure how porn and the fire department would’ve mixed. I suspect not very well. Well, of course, the men there love their porn, but to be a comrade who is actually in that porn – not so much. I chose to discontinue my pursuit to become a firefighter and turned all focus on the website. All this happened at the same time as a major life change.

6. Get dumped:
Truthfully, getting dumped doesn’t accurately describe what happened. It was much more amicable than that. But it does sound quite dramatic, though, doesn’t it? What is true, however, is that the end of a long term relationship pushed me towards massive change. It was at this time a took the leap. I didn’t have anyone but myself to be accountable towards and if I wanted to start a porn company, then I was free to do so. And that’s just what I did.

7. Be comfortable with poverty:
Living in Canada I don’t really experience poverty. I am an able-bodied adult so work is easy to come by. The trick is to follow your dream and start your own business with very little start up costs. I chose to not work for a long period of time while I set up the website, shot and edited the footage, studied software, internet technology, researched the porn industry and turned my dream into a reality. Now, I am poorer than I’ve ever been and I’ve racked up more debt than I’ve ever had.

8. Have faith:
Now that I have a functioning website, plenty of encouragement and potential for the future, I’m going back to work. I have to. This means more of my time is occupied with what one calls “work”. Work for money, work for the website, work for blogs, and work on trying to manage all that while still spending time with people I love. I have faith that my work will one day pay off. All the money I owe will be paid back. The crappy day-job will be no longer necessary and I will be making a positive impact on the lives and sexualities of women, transfolks, and men around the world.

9. Find god:
Starting this business has been one of the most ambitious things I’ve ever done. The first thing I needed to take care of was my self-discipline. I knew that I had to make improvements on getting things done in a timely manner if I was to realize this dream. In my google searches and visits to the library I was constantly exposed to spiritual ideas on personal development. I’ve never been a religious person, but the more I read the more I began to embrace the ever popular ideas about positive thinking, non-physical worlds, and living with love in mind. Suddenly my goal to become more focused on the tasks at hand became a goal to love everyone and everything unconditionally and to create films out of love for the highest good. You’re probably laughing at me now. I would too. I’ve turned into quite the flake these days. But, let me tell you my friend, I’m friggin’ manifesting all over the place. Dreams do come true.

10. Be vulnerable:
When I first started to think about this project I had to figure out whether I wanted to do this as my second life – with a second personality – or if I wanted to just be me and be open and exposed. In the past I’ve been a very private person. I wouldn’t share personal stories on the internet or have much to do with anything online at all. If I participated in a discussion forum I would be very vague about my personal life and I didn’t invest much time into online activities.
I came to the decision that if my goal was to capture the real vulnerability of sex and porn and expose it in a way that’s truly beautiful and free of shame, then I needed to do the same with myself. I believe that there is no shame in sex between women, in watching porn or performing your sex for others to see. So, part of my mission became to expose myself not only physically, but emotionally and psychologically. Artists make themselves vulnerable by showing their work to others. I do that. People may like it and they may not. So, let’s take it further. I expose my body for everyone to see. Some may like it others may not. Then, I’ll blog about it. People are free to judge me any way they see fit. It’s beyond my control.

11. Practice infinite patience:
I did it. I created the site. I have posted the footage we shot in preparation for the launch and continue to create more and more scenes. Now I just need to provide as much value through the site as I possibly can and wait for the day when I am not only earning enough money to live by and helping others earn money as well, but also truly making an impact on women’s lives and changing the perception of the pornography created by and for women.