Bren Ryder

GoodDykePorn.com has been online for over one year now, but the filming first began two years ago this month and the business preparations started the summer before that. Once I became completely engulfed in the business of porn, including creating a business plan, seeking investors and making it all come together, I was faced with an irrefutable fact - I am fucking LAZY.

The days that I dedicated to working the business went something like this: spend the morning planning and writing lists about all the tasks that I need to do in the afternoon and evening, then decide to do it tomorrow. I am the queen of to-do lists. I have an intense understanding of what I need to be doing. I love to plan things out. It’s the doing that’s the hard part.

So, once my passion for creating Good Dyke Porn met my lazy ass procrastinator I decided to google, "how to be more self-disciplined". That’s when I found StevePavlina.com - an interesting, incredibly successful, personal development blog. The subject matter is very diverse: self-discipline, finding your life’s purpose, habit forming, subjective reality, raw food diets, astral projection, law of attraction and much more. I started with self-discipline and became drawn to articles about love and living with purpose and these things led me to learn more about love and spirituality in general.

It’s been an interesting journey of self-discovery that’s included Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, ZenHabits.net, Suze Orman, The Secret, Eckhart Tolle, and many other trendy personal development gurus. The journey to provide the world with Good Dyke Porn suddenly became a journey to my ideal self. Recently I began writing a non-porn spiritual development blog so I could write about what I’ve learned and be totally open about all the best flakey bits of myself. I was writing a post about the subject of career when I realized, "This is a diversion from my career. My voice needs to be true to me and BrenRyder.com is the place for that voice."

Steve Pavlina, this unusually success blogger, published a book recently. The contents of the book aren’t a duplication of the blog at all and I found it to be incredibly insightful (I highly recommend it) . After exploring his idea of the principles of life, he goes into the practical application of these things in the second half of the books. The subjects are divided up into six categories: Habits, Career, Money, Health, Relationships, and Spirituality.

I’ve been exploring these subjects in my writing and thinking and I’d like to share some of that with you through this blog. BrenRyder.com is meant to be a place where I share my progress in making my porn business work and my own progress in "figuring it all out". It’s about time I start truly sharing.

Photo by Javiercit0.

As a pornographer of dyke content you’d think that I would experience my fair share of drama. In general, however, my life is fairly drama-free. Well, you can’t avoid it completely. Some people who enter your orbit are a bit more high strung than others. But, like Oprah says, you can’t control what happens, but you can control how you react to it.

Looking back there have been a few dramatic moments over the life of GoodDykePorn.com. There’s been break-ups right before shooting a scene, a back-outs because of jealous girlfriends and most recently a canceled scene that upset one person much more than another.

Sometimes people get mad and start acting kinda freaky, but, I don’t see that as being dyke drama exactly. I think what would have turned the situation into drama would have been an extreme reaction from me. I know that in some of my intimate relationships I’ve gotten mad because they were mad, but when it’s a creative acquaintance who’s freaking out, it doesn’t bother me. I don’t have to react adversely and as much as I’d like to help them to not be so mad I simply cannot take responsibility for their emotions. When someone calls my phone multiple times in only a few minutes then it’s obvious that they have difficulties handling an emotional situation. Perhaps there’s something I can say to help and perhaps there isn’t. My policy is to be as clear and straight-forward as possible, but frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.

Sometimes I proudly proclaim that I live a drama-free life. Although, I wonder if that’s simply an expression of my cold cold heart. People can act really messed up because of past damage or current mental health issues or rock hard patterns. But, I don’t really care. It’s sad. I can see that. I look at a young woman fly off the handle and I feel sad. Similar to the way that I look a starving child in an impoverished nation on the news. It’s sad. But, I refuse to take it on. I refuse get angry.

I’ve always felt this way. I’ve always wondered why people get so worked up about all the bad things in the world. I’ve always thought that action is a much better way to respond. The biggest flaw in that philosophy is that I rarely act. I see horrible things, hear about all the bad news and choose not to get upset over it AND I choose not to do anything about it. Is that apathy? I’ve heard that anger can induce action. I’m not so sure I buy that. I find people who get really angry and affected by the drama around them fancy themselves to be non-apathetic, thus, better. I question that.

I hear that peace is the way. I rarely see people practicing that method of change, however. Maybe that’s because the angry people get all the attention. Maybe that’s because “getting angry” has been held up in such high regard by people who claim to be changing the world for the better.

This world is complicated. A lot of people are very hurt and some of them are going to spread their hurt through anger. I wish them well. I will not take it on. I will not embrace their pain. And, until the day I choose to do something that will change the world that contributed to their pain, then I will not care.

Indeed.

I am a guest blogger at the Village Voice sex blog. I represent the Canadian Pornographer in a weekly series that showcases the porn creators from around the world.

Check out the latest article at NakedCity.com, “Zen and The Art of Porn Blogs“.

This subject will be explored here further. Please feel free to comment.