Yes! Quite radical. A remarkable vision about how to insure that what occurs is entirely consensual and that the creative power and vulnerability remains in the hands of those who choose to reveal or share an intimacy with strangers.

It sounds much more process oriented, moving to a goal or an outcome, but not outcome driven. A much more organic process than I suspect is usual. And more subject to the potential emotional vagaries and outbursts that might interrupt the process or change the outcome.

Kudos to you for daring such a less linear process, but it has clearly been successful for you.

Thanks for taking the time to chat and share your approach to your work. It has been interesting, and I’ve learned something new. See, you end up teaching, even when you didn’t mean to.

Kindest regards,
Aerope

Sounds like you have an excellent grasp on the whole employee management thing. You make great points regarding that.

The thing is that the models can act however they want. There is no implied professionalism needed on their part. They decide what they want to do and I bring the professionalism to ensure their vision goes of without a hitch. Radical, no?

The drama that occurred recently happened to intersect my business, but it wasn’t about “the work”. It was about that particular person’s emotions in regards to another particular person. Since the models are free to cancel a scene at anytime if they don’t feel comfortable then sometimes other people are affected.

I’m comfortable taking on a small role as a support system for a short period of time so that they can walk away feeling good. But, it actually didn’t have to do with managing employees. It was simply about ensuring someone’s existing pain - that briefly touched my life and my business - was somehow softened by my presence. Or not, because I don’t really care. Remember?

All in all your advice is great and business roles are important to constantly re-evaluate. And, letting models know exactly how free they are, is as important as letting them know how professional they might need to be in other situations.

Yours,
Bren

Might I suggest that you emphasize “professionalism” to your actors/models/employees/contract workers.

What separates their work from home videos is that pay check that you mentioned. This means that a different, higher, standard of work professionalism is expected of them, than of amateurs or volunteers or friends just playing around.

My guess is that your folks aren’t really clear about what work life is supposed to be like for someone in the professional porn industry. Lack of a clear and shared understanding of work behavior expectations is a problem common to small businesses, small or newer non-profits, family businesses. It’s surprising how little folks know about appropriate work behavior - this isn’t a reflection on their goodness, it’s just a learning curve. We can’t all know everything. And by virtue of your position, you become teacher or coach in chief.

This is where your leadership is essential. There is a way to gently and calmly remind people that sometimes people may be out of a role or a job because of an intangible that may include lack of “on-screen chemistry” or “on-screen incompatibility” ; that this does not mean a person isn’t sexy or fails to demonstrate required sexual skills, but sometimes, surprisingly, things don’t work well on-screen. Really try to help them depersonalize and professionalize what, I assume, can be a personally deflating rejection. You will find yourself in the role of teacher as well as leader. You are teaching your folks how to be professionals and rightly earn their paychecks and open career opportunities for themselves.

In my experience, managing people is one of the most difficult things to do. It takes a high degree of skill, patience, and courage, as well as a willingness to teach, to listen, to learn, while you maintain a larger vision of your business mission and how you want it to grow. With a steadiness and self-assurance that reassures everyone whom you lead. Detachment with empathy, compassion, and humor is a big help.

I did take a peek at your videos (:->) and saw that you take on multiple roles - as director, actor, DP, as well as CEO of your own company. I can’t imagine how you manage such a complex set of duties and responsibilities. Each on its own is a big job. Clearly it is something you are managing now, and managing well. But as your business grows, you might want regularly revisit how well multiple hats continue to work for you.

Best wishes and good luck for continued success.

Regards,
Aerope

What an excellent comment.

It is to be expected that by being in a position of leadership I will be needing to coordinate the dramatic expression of people’s emotions.

It’s important to me that participants of Good Dyke Porn come away with a positive experience. And, if, for instance, someone gets sexually rejected, thus losing their paycheque at a time when they’re feeling especially vulnerable, then I’ll be forced to rub up against their pain and hopefully help turn that around.

Your point of view has helped me put things in perspective. Good or bad, detachment is something I excel at. Thanks for helping me see that compassion can exist right alongside detachment.

Bren

I understand that because of the nature of your work, those who show up for work have slightly more complicated relationships to each other that impact their work than, say, two office workers would normally have. But I’ve worked in employee relations in the past, and there are some people who are simply high maintenance and require what I consider an odd amount of hand-holding for a professional engagement. I, too, have often felt as if I should have had a psych degree for the amount of personal counseling that I found myself engaged in, in order to get someone back to work, to deal with a professional work issue, or to get them to move on.

I’ve been a lesbian for a long time and I’ve had my share of dyke drama. But moving into the employee relations field made me realize how complicated and emotionally intertwined a lot of people’s work lives are. Lesbians label our drama, but my experience is that it’s not exclusive or most extreme in the lesbian world. Have you watched a Jerry Springer show? Straight people are crazier than lesbians.

But detachment, paradoxically with compassion and humor, is essential if you are going to be involved in any leadership role that gets people out of an eddy and into the flow. Whatever the eddy is, to whatever that flow is.

You can always empathize with a feeling without eating it. I don’t think this indicative of a “cold cold heart” (though that is a dyke drama worthy phrase :->) but a supremely compassionate heart. You can’t help someone if you are swallowed by what swallows them.

Best.
Aerope

Queer as it stands right now does describe a lot of different types of people so why not a variety of sexual situations, right? I think Queer umbrella with Dyke sub-category makes a lot of sense.

The thing that doesn’t work is incorporating this idea into the mainstream. “We” (us queers) seem to have to cut ourselves off from the mainstream in order to create the space the way we like it.

Thanks for getting my brain thinking this morning!

I personally prefer different words rather than qualifying adjectives.

It’s always the good ones that do the most work in changing our world. Keep up the great work!

As you mention, Porn Librarian, it’s something to think about.

I’m going to look into this a little. This is one of the hardest things we have to do, because we want everyone to be able to find what they’re looking for easily.

You’ll notice we do make a distinction between “lesbian” and “all-girl” on hotmoviesforher. com

Anyways, thanks for getting me thinking about this again.