The days that I dedicated to working the business went something like this: spend the morning planning and writing lists about all the tasks that I need to do in the afternoon and evening, then decide to do it tomorrow. I am the queen of to-do lists. I have an intense understanding of what I need to be doing. I love to plan things out. It’s the doing that’s the hard part.

So, once my passion for creating Good Dyke Porn met my lazy ass procrastinator I decided to google, "how to be more self-disciplined". That’s when I found StevePavlina.com - an interesting, incredibly successful, personal development blog. The subject matter is very diverse: self-discipline, finding your life’s purpose, habit forming, subjective reality, raw food diets, astral projection, law of attraction and much more. I started with self-discipline and became drawn to articles about love and living with purpose and these things led me to learn more about love and spirituality in general.

It’s been an interesting journey of self-discovery that’s included Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, ZenHabits.net, Suze Orman, The Secret, Eckhart Tolle, and many other trendy personal development gurus. The journey to provide the world with Good Dyke Porn suddenly became a journey to my ideal self. Recently I began writing a non-porn spiritual development blog so I could write about what I’ve learned and be totally open about all the best flakey bits of myself. I was writing a post about the subject of career when I realized, "This is a diversion from my career. My voice needs to be true to me and BrenRyder.com is the place for that voice."

Steve Pavlina, this unusually success blogger, published a book recently. The contents of the book aren’t a duplication of the blog at all and I found it to be incredibly insightful (I highly recommend it) . After exploring his idea of the principles of life, he goes into the practical application of these things in the second half of the books. The subjects are divided up into six categories: Habits, Career, Money, Health, Relationships, and Spirituality.

I’ve been exploring these subjects in my writing and thinking and I’d like to share some of that with you through this blog. BrenRyder.com is meant to be a place where I share my progress in making my porn business work and my own progress in "figuring it all out". It’s about time I start truly sharing.

As a pornographer of dyke content you’d think that I would experience my fair share of drama. In general, however, my life is fairly drama-free. Well, you can’t avoid it completely. Some people who enter your orbit are a bit more high strung than others. But, like Oprah says, you can’t control what happens, but you can control how you react to it.

Looking back there have been a few dramatic moments over the life of GoodDykePorn.com. There’s been break-ups right before shooting a scene, a back-outs because of jealous girlfriends and most recently a canceled scene that upset one person much more than another.

Sometimes people get mad and start acting kinda freaky, but, I don’t see that as being dyke drama exactly. I think what would have turned the situation into drama would have been an extreme reaction from me. I know that in some of my intimate relationships I’ve gotten mad because they were mad, but when it’s a creative acquaintance who’s freaking out, it doesn’t bother me. I don’t have to react adversely and as much as I’d like to help them to not be so mad I simply cannot take responsibility for their emotions. When someone calls my phone multiple times in only a few minutes then it’s obvious that they have difficulties handling an emotional situation. Perhaps there’s something I can say to help and perhaps there isn’t. My policy is to be as clear and straight-forward as possible, but frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.

Sometimes I proudly proclaim that I live a drama-free life. Although, I wonder if that’s simply an expression of my cold cold heart. People can act really messed up because of past damage or current mental health issues or rock hard patterns. But, I don’t really care. It’s sad. I can see that. I look at a young woman fly off the handle and I feel sad. Similar to the way that I look a starving child in an impoverished nation on the news. It’s sad. But, I refuse to take it on. I refuse get angry.

I’ve always felt this way. I’ve always wondered why people get so worked up about all the bad things in the world. I’ve always thought that action is a much better way to respond. The biggest flaw in that philosophy is that I rarely act. I see horrible things, hear about all the bad news and choose not to get upset over it AND I choose not to do anything about it. Is that apathy? I’ve heard that anger can induce action. I’m not so sure I buy that. I find people who get really angry and affected by the drama around them fancy themselves to be non-apathetic, thus, better. I question that.

I hear that peace is the way. I rarely see people practicing that method of change, however. Maybe that’s because the angry people get all the attention. Maybe that’s because “getting angry” has been held up in such high regard by people who claim to be changing the world for the better.

This world is complicated. A lot of people are very hurt and some of them are going to spread their hurt through anger. I wish them well. I will not take it on. I will not embrace their pain. And, until the day I choose to do something that will change the world that contributed to their pain, then I will not care.

As time goes on and I watch more and more porn, including man/woman cock action and man/man cock action, I’m realizing that I don’t really like watching cock.  I am a dyke afterall so it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. I want to see dyke porn.  I want to see silicone cocks, smooth bodies, breasts, curves, muscles, WOMEN. As most of you know the most common female porn is “lesbian” porn. This is NOT the same as “dyke” porn. Most likely the women are straight or maybe bi, but it doesn’t even matter what their sexuality is because the content is essentially the same: conventionally beautiful feminine women acting like their having sex, but paying more attention to the “watcher” than to each other.  But, here’s the funny part.  If I want to watch “lesbian” porn I need to click on the category STRAIGHT. How did lesbian porn ever get the label, straight?

That’s not a difficult question to answer. Lesbian porn has and is created for straight men. Okay, I can accept that. But if lesbian porn is considered “straight” then the porn that I create should not be in that category. I make dyke porn. The scenes feature women (mostly) who are fucking other women (mostly). There is nothing straight about it.  Even when we shot a scene between a man and a woman it was the queerest piece of work we’d done to date.

So, does the categorization apply to WHO is watching it? Not likely, I don’t think transsexuals are the predominant viewers of “tranny porn” or mothers watching “milf porn”. Categories describe the content.  Lesbian porn does not describe the content of what we are creating at GoodDykePorn.com.  What does? What box can we put this content into?

Dykes are notorious for fighting to break down labels and embrace the fluidity of sexual and gender identity. But we need a label to identify ourselves and the sexually graphic images we create or else other people will do it for us. And as it stands the category we’re being put into is STRAIGHT. That is so wrong.

But what about the women that don’t identify as dyke or even female? How do they fit in to the dyke category? I’m of the opinion that the category “dyke” includes more than just self-identified dyke women. It also includes transguys, femme dykes, butch lesbians, queers, bisexuals and many other varieties.

Queer porn is the other up and coming category for the type of porn that is being made these days. Sites like Crash Pad Series and No Fauxxx identify as queer porn and of course, Buck Angel (although, he identifies specifically as FtM porn).  Perhaps instead of having a main category as STRAIGHT with a sub-category LESBIAN, we can have a main category QUEER with subcategories of FtM, DYKE, GAY (google queer porn and you’ll find mostly gay porn sites), and many other people and sexual preferences that don’t fit into “straight” or “gay”. The funny thing is that Good Dyke Porn™ doesn’t seem to be queer enough to fit into the Queer category at HotMoviesForHer. In this context queer only applies to transsexual/transgender porn.

I want to see the DYKE category because this is a category that is female-centric. The content does include transgender guys and even a bio-guy, but when you’re looking for women then you know you’re going to find them in dyke porn. The beauty of female-centric anything is that it’s highly inclusive. There will always be a variety of sexual and gender varieties in dyke porn, but first and foremost you will find dykes. Come on people, dykes are huge segment of society. We are women who love other women and we exist in every corner of this planet. At times we fluidly shift our gender identity and always love and embrace our community’s choices, but we need to claim our place in this world.  We need an address so you can find us. We need to fill the box with content that we actually enjoy watching.  Give that box a name.

Call my box DYKE!

This month I was working at the election here in Canada and I was working side by side with a weird little man who has dual citizenship. He had a US absentee ballot that he showed me. I’m fairly unfamiliar with the details of American politics, so it was interesting to see all the people and leadership positions that people will be voting for. Then, I was shocked when I came across the Proposition area and saw that people were voting to reverse the decision to make gay marriage legal in California - or not. I think the thing that shocked me the most was that this issue is up for anybody and everybody to vote on.

Here in Canada marriage is legal for any two humans no matter what their gender. Marriage between a “man and a woman” was deemed unconstitutional by the courts and then it was up to the elected representatives to vote on removing gender from the marriage equation. But, there was no general vote. When the government changed power there were threats of such a vote, but nothing came of it and now the issue is essentially closed.

There were also Propositions about making it legal for chicken to stretch their legs and budget approvals for schools or something like that. Aren’t there experts who can determine whether or not it’s important for chickens to stretch their legs. Why does everyone have to vote for it? Not everyone is educated about the value of the quality of life of poultry and how that benefits our world. And I’m not so sure the descriptive paragraph on the ballot is going to suffice.

That’s where the media comes in. Right now, people are raising money, making commercials and spreading the word about the rights of queers and chickens alike. Bloggers are writing to bring awareness of this Proposition to educate Californians and persuade them to Vote No on 8. Eight bloggers (www.8against8.com) got together to raise money and exceeded their goal of raising $8000.

Since I appreciate my right to choose not to get married, I wanted to help anyway I could to fight this ridiculous proposition. I donated some Good Dyke Porn DVD’s to the bloggers to help them raise money. Check out their blogs to see how you can help in the final run the election: Grace the Spot, Hahn at Home, The Lesbian Lifestyle, Dorothy Surrenders, Pam’s House Blend, Sugarbutch Chronicles, this girl called automatic win, and Lesbiatopia.

Also fighting the good fight is The Crash Pad Series. They’re donating all their membership sign-ups TODAY to the cause. As an affiliate who gets a cut when someone signs up through me, I have agreed to donate my share for this day. It’s for one day only so sign up now and see hot dyke porn while saving the world from ignorant voters.

Good luck California!

This isn’t the first time this has happened to me - being deleted from a mainstream community site.  On Facebook they deleted my Bren Ryder fan page and the Good Dyke Porn group. Except they don’t specifically say they you can’t link to an adult site and, in fact, they take no responsibility for 3rd party links. Their reason was that they claimed I had “obscene content” on the pages.

The frustrating part is that the only thing I’m guilty of is linking to the front page of my porn site. The page that says, “if you haven’t figured it out already, this is a porn site, if you’re under-age then you know that you’re not allowed to be here, so go play somewhere else, but if you are of an appropriate age, there’s explicit material here, so proceed with that knowledge”. I’m paraphrasing a little. It’s the link that’s evil, apparently, because there is/was no content on any of my community pages: no pictures of models, no nudity, no sex. What makes it so obscene? The words themselves: Dyke Porn!

It’s important to me to be really upfront about what I do. I make dyke porn - i.e. empowered women who love women share their sex on camera.  DYKE PORN. But the dominant society seems to think that those two words are bad. Perhaps if I had a website called GayLadiesDoingNudgeNudgeWinkWink.com then I wouldn’t get in trouble so frequently. But that’s entirely contrary to my objective. I want people to know that what they’re getting is sexually explicit material - PORN, by authentic queer women - DYKES. There’s no ambiguity here. If you click that link you know where you’re going.

It’s hard to fight against the past wrongs of slimeballs who have shaped the porn industry’s reputation to be what it is today: degrating, sneaky, pop-ups you didn’t intend to find, money hungry abusers and other sad facts that people assume applies to anyone who produces porn. I have to use special adult web hosting. I can’t use paypal, ebay, google ads, newsletter services, shopping carts, even certain banks won’t deal with my company.

Guess what? There is nothing wrong with women having sex with each other! There is nothing wrong with sharing it in a public space! When you click on a link that’s called GoodDykePorn.com you are consenting to be a part of that public space.

Instead of embracing sex and sexuality as a natural part of our lives, instead of embracing pornographers as a welcome contributor to our everyday lives these mainstream communities simply delete me. I’m relegated to the porno communities that don’t even have a category for “dyke porn”, that don’t even have female directors in their directory of pornographers (I know they exist, they just don’t participate in these adult communities).

I find the internet really frustrating regarding these sort of divisions and restrictions, but at the same time I can still write a post like this and share it with many people at once. I can provide Good Dyke Porn to people around the world quite easily. And I can get feedback and support and love from those of you who watch and care about this as much as I do.

I’ll keep working at legitimizing, sharing, and creating dyke porn. But, I think I’ll remove the link from Facebook profile. I can play the game. Eventually, sex will be appreciated, accepted and embraced. Once our dominant society puts more focus on love, rather than violence, we’ll be on our way there.

1. Link to your tagger (Butchtastic!) and list these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as their links to their blogs.
4. Let the know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

The Facts:

1. My myspace account was deleted this week for having a link to an adult website - bye bye 800 new friends.
2. My car was written off last week - someone smashed into it in front of my house and then took off, but I needed the cash anyway.
3. Despite being described as a “public pervert” by some, I’m actually quite shy and introverted.
4. I can juggle.
5. I play classical guitar - like Bach and shit like that.
6. I like green smoothies.
7. I don’t want to pass this tagging game onto anyone else - see I’m SHY!

But I will give you some links of blogs that I like.

Buck Angel Blog - transsexual male porn star
Waking Vixen Productions - Audacia Ray’s blog
Sugarbutch Chronicles - sex, gender and awesomeness
Leather Yenta - Lolita Wolf’s Predictions & Predilections
Ms. Naughty - erotica for women
Viviane’s Sex Carnival

I’m still getting to know the world, so please introduce yourself and I’ll start filling out my blogroll.

A larger problem that I’m encountering with maintaining a blog about myself is that I have a hard time believing that what I have to say is interesting to anyone. To regularly add content about my process in growing my business and working and earning money and finding inner peace and blah blah blah means to write about things that I think might be quite boring.

I love to come up with interesting articles and “how-to” posts and really put some thought into it and carve out a piece of work that means something to me. Those kinds of posts are created much more sparingly than these kinds of posts. I’d really like this website to ultimately be a wonderful resource for future independent pornographers or at the very least a tale of a woman who started from nothing and grew a business into a successful influential phenomenon.

These things take time.  For now, here’s an update:

• I paid for my rent on my VISA
• I have over $2500 overdue from various sources
• I have a new scene booked for September between a beautiful couple
• My neck hurts from sitting in front of the computer too much
• I haven’t done my accounting in months
• My new work-from-home arrangement allows me to get to the gym every morning
• I’m blissfully in love with my life!

Blogging is a great way to communicate and to hone your writing skills and its importance is slowing creeping up higher and higher on my priority list. Perhaps one day I’ll figure out how to articulate this process in a way that I actually consider interesting. Thanks for reading this meandering musing.

J. D. Bauchery, an author and reviewer on the HotMoviesForHer blog, recently reviewed the new DVD by GoodDykePorn.com.

Here’s a snippet of the review:

Well, the name says it all really. Did you ever watch something so hot and exciting that you didn’t have words for it? Yep, that’s where I am right now. Well, that and totally smitten with Bren Ryder, the super sexy butch mastermind behind this collection of real dykes really getting off by fingers, fists, dlidos, tongues and any other way you can imagine. And it’s all safe sex! Actually, better than that, it’s safe sex with black latex gloves! How hot is that!?

What a sweet thing to say! Check out the rest of the review (nsfw).