Bren Ryder

I’ll have everything back to normal by the end of the day (hopefully).
And then I’ll be back to regular blogging.

Thanks for stopping by!
Check out GoodDykePorn.com to see my work.

Love!

I lost all my data due to my own error so now I need to reload all the previous posts and get this baby up and running.

Stay tuned.

Recently, I was named #17 in a list of 100 Top Hot Butches. This list was created by Sinclair Sexsmith of The Sugarbutch Chronicles and judged by a panel of other bloggers and friends.

First of all, I have to say that I am completely honoured to be included on the list and thrilled that I made Top 20. One of the main criteria for being included on the list (besides having masculine appearance and being attractive to the panelists) was doing something in the public sphere in 2009. It is so validating to be noticed. That was the goal. I was even given the title of “Porn Pioneer”. Talk about making your dreams come true. One day I decide I’d like to change the face of queer porn, the next day I’m being referred to as a porn pioneer on a list that includes so many incredible artists.

The thing that I love about this list is that it’s saying something really important: Butches are hot!

At the beginning of my adult life I had a phase of heterosexuality, which was fine. I dated guys, then moved onto the next phase. The one thing that really hit me when I came out was that I went from being an ugly straight girl to a hot lesbian. It was really interesting to experience (and oh so fun). Hotness is in the eye of the beholder. And butch hotness is becoming more and more widely accepted. We can talk about the politics and flaws in deeming someone hot or not until we’re blue in the face, but I’d like to praise the evolution of hotness that is now including people like butches and queers. This is a new development. Granted, this list is still an event within our little queer corner, but, it still makes an impact.

There were some murmurings of controversy regarding the inclusion of trans guys in the list. I read some opinions and I see what they’re saying, but I think sometimes gender politics can take itself a little too seriously. From my understanding some people (not the people listed themselves) didn’t like the inclusion of transmen in a list of masculine women. The inclusion apparently invalided their maleness. I don’t buy it.

In my opinion, using words that include a lot of different types of people is liberating. And what those words happen to be will change over time. Gay, queer, butch, femme, trans: they have all had different meanings in the past and are going to have different meanings in the future. Some of us have word preferences. Sinclair likes butch and wants to change people’s mental image of what a butch is. I like ‘dyke’ (as in GoodDykePorn.com) and want to change people’s mental image of what a dyke is, in particular what dyke porn is. Good Dyke Porn is inclusive. Those are words that I strung together. The people themselves identify in many many different ways: queer, bisexual, trans, butch, femme, male, female, genderqueer, top, bottom, and who knows what else.

This Top Hot Butches list is a celebration of butches who are doing work that’s important to them that other people see. Why wouldn’t transguys be included? To me, being butch is mostly about outward appearance. It’s about a natural masculine expression. The actual experience of being a butch is as varied as there are butches. Some are writers, pornographers, actors, singers, musicians, performance artists, and theorists. Some are tops, bottoms, celibate, have tits, have no tits, transitioned genders, never cry, great cooks, handy around the house, good with money, moody and you see where I’m going with this.

To follow the line of argument I’ve seen so far, yes, cisgender males can be butch too (I’m still getting used to that cis-word, it’s like some underground queer vernacular, but it works best for descriptive purposes). But they get more than their fair share of the spotlight, so let’s just leave them out of this. You’re in the queer bubble, people, follow along in your programs.

If someone created a list of 100 Top Trans Hotties and I was included on that list I wouldn’t mind. It’s not how I self-identify, but the purpose of having a public life is to share our work with the world. Put me on any kind of list you want. I’ll pay attention to the positive ones, ignore the negative and be grateful you’re learning about the work that I’m doing my best to create.

My Good Dyke Porn™ business soul mate, that is.

I’ve decided I want a partner. I’m feeling ready to share my toys with others and see what happens when more that one person works at creating an impact on a porno revolution. Of course, I haven’t been the only one creating the work of GoodDykePorn.com. There are many models, a few camera operators, volunteers, a graphic designer, a composer and an investor. But the day-to-day work is done entirely by me. I love doing it on my own, but I’m feeling open to finding the right person to share the work, the joy and, the money.

I use the term “soul mate” because I feel as though the right person for the job is going to be someone who is a lot more than just skilled in one area or another. The right person is going to click with me another level. Now, I love clicking with people. I click all the time. But, this click needs to be special. This isn’t love, this is business, but it’s gotta be magic.

I think the greatest benefit of having a partner is that we can motivate each other. We can inspire each other. And, we can impose deadlines on each other. I see us getting together for a business meeting once a week, doing some brainstorming and planning, and then assigning a few tasks for each of us to complete for the next week. Due to the fact that this meeting is very important I am currently only looking for someone who lives in Vancouver, BC. If you live in the Lower Mainland and want to commute into Vancouver for the meetings then you may also apply.

Our financial arrangements will be discussed later, however, considering the current status of the website (paused), there will be no payment for work done for at least the first 3 to 6 months. Currently, all incoming revenue is being reinvested into the website – which is why I had to get a day job again (I’m really liking it though. It’s getting me out of the house and I enjoy doing something completely different from running the porn biz for part of my time). So, you must have a day job and the will to work Good Dyke Porn in your spare time.

Here are a few things that come to mind regarding what I’m seeking in a partner:

* I’m looking for someone who has a variety of skills or has an ability to learn new things quickly.
* Computer skills are essential and an up-to-date computer is preferred.
* Film and video experience isn’t necessary and film industry experience is really unnecessary and maybe even a drawback. Depends.
* Knowledge of business, accounting, marketing, video editing, graphic design, webmastery, or camera operation are all wonderful, but not required. I taught myself everything and perhaps you can do the same.
* Maybe you’d like to be in the public eye.
* Maybe you’d rather work behind the scenes.
* You are passionate, but not overbearing.
* You are easy-going, but not aloof.
* You live in Vancouver.
* You are queer.
What else?

I’m open to hearing why you think you’d like to work at Good Dyke Porn™.
It’s amazingly rewarding work and together we can make it Great and even make some money.

Send me an email. Tell me about yourself, your schedule, your experience and why you’d like to be my GDP Soul Mate.
To: bren@gooddykeporn.com

Love,
Bren Ryder

More than writing this upcoming manifesto, I am living the manifesto. In fact, I haven’t written anything yet. So far, I am witnessing. I’m waiting to see what emerges as a clear philosophy for revolutionizing porn.

I have a general idea about what I want to create. I want to create good dyke porn, thus the name of the website is GoodDykePorn.com. And we’ve all been working intuitively to figure out what exactly good dyke porn consists of. The way I figured it is if we start to have genuine sexual encounters on camera between women who love women then we should be on the right path.

Whenever I talk about the website – my vision for the future, what we create and what we’re hoping to achieve – I become extremely verbose. After my second cup of coffee with someone who’s interested in learning about what I do, I start to passionately express the positive effects good dyke porn has on society, the fantasy of a changed world, and human experience of de-grossifying pornography.

But, whenever I think about writing a manifesto I get a little overwhelmed and can’t think of anything to write. I think I’m over thinking it. I was rereading my Steve Pavlina book yesterday and in the chapter on careers I was reminded that what I’m trying achieve with this website/my business is what I’m trying to achieve for my own life.

A few months back (probably when I was reading the Steve P. book for the first time) I came up my purpose in life. It was a matter of breaking down everything I feel like I want into something that can’t be broken down anymore. Plus it needs to be something that resonates with me.

Here’s what I came up with for my life purpose:

* Love Truthfully
* Empower and Inspire
* Experience Life Fully

Everything I do in life needs to align with one or more of those points. So, this seems like a good place to start for the Good Dyke Porn™ Manifesto. After all, my work should be in alignment with my personal manifesto.

And it is.

This past Sunday I had to work.

Over the years I’ve worked a variety of jobs and whenever possible I’ve always tried to keep Sundays free. No work on Sundays. I’ve even lied and told my employers that I couldn’t work Sundays because I had to go to church. To me, Sundays had to be the one day that I had off. It was sacred. No work on Sundays.

When working a “job” it’s always the days-off that become sacred because the days-on tend to be un-enjoyable. Now that I’m running my own business the days on have become sacred. I don’t overwork my business, though. I certainly make sure I take time off for myself and not spend all my time on the job. Even though it is my dream job I still take the weekends off. But, this Sunday, I worked. And, it was magical.

Trala La, a mutual friend and I rented a sauna at an old, beautiful and gritty steam bath house. We snuck our camera equipment into our private room and sauna and immediate got down to work. Using three cameras we captured the gorgeous Trala La shave from head to toe and enjoy some time with the water faucet. We even had some time left over in the end to all strip down and enjoy the sauna with the camera and equipment all put away.

For the rest of the day the three of us reported an indescribable high from the creative work we did that day.

Obviously, the events of the day weren’t exactly “work”. They were playful, creative, sexual, artistic, intimate, and fun. However, this is in fact my job. If I don’t do it then my objective with GoodDykePorn.com will suffer. If I don’t do it then the business will suffer and it will no longer serve as my job.

By recognizing the importance of my job and recognizing that doing this work is entirely necessary I am immediately filled with a feeling of bliss. This is my job. Everyday can be a joy. My life is better because of that fact. And, the world is better because my blissful job produces incredibly beautiful and important images of queer women. What could be better than that?

Now, Sundays are sacred because I work.

I made a decision to hit the pause button on my porn website, GoodDykePorn.com. I’m referring to content updates. After I add an additional part to my solo scene there won’t be anymore updates for a few months. This was a difficult decision, but my primary concern is to create a valuable product to my customers. Currently, I’m having some trouble keeping up to the very modest update schedule of one new scene per month.

I was worried about this decision because I don’t want people to think that I’ve given up or that Good Dyke Porn is on it’s way out. On the contrary, I feel like the next couple of months are going to contribute to its longevity. I run the site on my own and I like it that way. My intention is to continue to do so, but in a way that will keep the quality of the website consistent and allow the site to run at least for the next 10 years. That’s what I’m looking ahead to.

When I chose to start this site, I just did it. I didn’t spend much time doing market research or perfecting my business plan or honing my business and technical skills. Considering the amount of work and expertise that’s required to make this website run smoothly, I could have spent years in preparation. For me, it was important to just get started. Personally, I learn by doing. As I started to film the scenes I learned what was required to make it look good and what was unnecessary. As I started to edit the scenes I referred to online tutorials of Final Cut Pro and became more and more comfortable as every new hot scene passed before my eyes. At tax time I was forced to get my accounts organized. Everyday I learn new skills: webmastery, inventory, customer service, marketing and promotion. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Initially, I set up the foundation of the website and hoped that from there I could simply add content and promote. As always, there’s much more to it than first meets the eye. Now is the time to revisit that foundation and make it even stronger. Over the next couple of months I’m going to be completing plenty of important tasks and creating some more material to be released on a consistent basis when updates begin again. Besides that, I’ll be figuring out the best way to make this work over the years. Whether it’s task, time or personnel management it will be solved.

We aren’t going anywhere, though, so please continue to visit the site as often as you like. If you buy a membership then you will have access for the entire time that we are “paused”. If you have a membership right now then your access will also be extended. (Message me if I haven’t successfully reached you by email: bren@gooddykeporn.com)

I’m very excited about the upcoming changes and I feel in my heart that this “break” is extremely necessary to the future of Good Dyke Porn. Here are some changes that you can expect to see:

• Updated community features in the members area.
• Model profiles and pages.
• Redesigned navigation for easy of use.
• Limited # of free or discounted memberships available for application.
• User submissions from all over the world.
• More frequent and consistent updates.
• Commissions paid to all participating models.

Let me know what you want to see different for your money. I’m going to be busy, but I always have time to talk to you. Together we can continue to make Good Dyke Porn a place for beautiful, quality images of real queer sexuality that we can all be proud of.

Yesterday I posted a scene of myself on GoodDykePorn.com – solo style. It was actually filmed a couple of years ago for the short film, Good Dyke Porn, that made its way around the festival circuit. Only about 10 seconds of that footage was included in the film. The reason I created it was for the sole purpose of exposing myself to everyone, to make myself completely vulnerable. I’ve always thought that the best art comes from people who have allowed themselves to be totally exposed and vulnerable. Usually that exposure isn’t sexual or nude in nature. It tends to be a raw exposure of their heart and soul.

The internet has been a great place for many bloggers to use their ability to write to expose their lives for public scrutiny. I have no doubt that many people revel in the privilege to voyeuristically judge friends and strangers anonymously from behind their computer screens. These days, peering into each others lives is common place. But, still, there is a lot of shame, negative connotations, and prohibition around exposing ourselves sexually.

I know so many women who feel badly about their bodies. It is unbelievable. I’m not immune to it myself. In fact, I love that I just so happened to be in the best shape of my life at the time my scene was shot. I definitely prefer to see less fat on my body. I’m still going to post another, more current solo scene – a few extra pounds and all. And, I keep trying to telling myself how much I appreciate the body that I do have: healthy, strong, moderately flexible, able body. But, it’s hard to escape a lifetime of pressure to be thin (never mind that, I believe our negative focus on our bodies actually makes us fatter).

Besides all the body issues, my mind focuses on the fear of exposing my sexuality. I don’t even want to articulate what those fears are. It seems silly to be self-conscious about something as individual as my genitals, my orgasms, the way I move and what gets me off. But, I’m so open to judgment. People may have a certain idea about how I should look and act and when that’s violated then – oh gosh what would they think? I’m being sarcastic now, because really, who gives a shit what people think? People are capable of judging me every minute of everyday. I can’t stop them.

I think we need to see more of women’s bodies getting off on their own terms: whether it’s a solo moment, an intimate coupling or a manifestation of a fantasy. Every woman has a beautiful outward expression of her sexuality. In my dream world there is no insecurity, no shame, no wishing and hoping for something we’re not. There is only pride, acceptance and confidence in our wet cunts and throbbing nipples.

When I started this project I never imagined that I was going to go in front of the camera. I am so shy and a little fearful of sex. But, I believe in my own philosophy so much so that I feel like my participation is itself a revolutionary act. I really do believe that women should be proud of their cunts and willing to reveal themselves as sexually vulnerable.

We are all different and I want to see those those differences. It starts with me.

As I mentioned in my last post I’m working on building this business and maintaining it mostly on my own. The exception to my solitude comes on shooting days where I’m filming the models and sometimes I get help from another camera operator to film the scene.

This blog is meant to give you an idea of what it’s like for a self-taught pornographer to run a business and attempt to make an impact on the porn industry and visual depictions of queer female sexuality. So, to give a glimpse into my life I am here to offer my list of 101 things-to-do starting in January 2009.

It’s actually a list of 17 projects that need to get completed and all the tasks that need to get done to make some headway on each one of these tasks.

I’m a little nervous about publishing my list. It makes me feel very vulnerable. Sure, I can take my clothes off and let you watch me have sex with a woman. Any judgements of my body or my sex will only reveal your own insecurity, but this is business. And, what if my way of doing business is wrong or doesn’t serve the queer porn revolution appropriately. Oh well, I can let that go. Just like everyone’s body and sexuality is unique so is my work life and my business contribution to the world. This is how I do it. Feel free to watch.

The List:

1. Schedule New Scenes
2. *Send out email to all the single models to plan get together. (20 min)
3. *Contact C regarding doing a scene. (10 min)
4. *Email S about doing a scene with L. (10 min)
5. *Schedule party to hook people up and brainstorm ideas. (20 min)
6. Update Enter Page
7. *Move review banners/buttons to front page. (40 min)
8. *Add quotes from various sources. (1 hour)
9. *Research appropriate child protection links and banners and memberships available. (1 hour)
10. *Add banners and links to child protection websites (30 min)
11. *Create an affiliate report. (1 hour)
12. *Add affiliate links and banners. (1 hour)
13. *Sign up as an affiliate for CyberDyke.com (20 min)
14. *Look into Monica’s Reviews – renew membership if necessary (1 hour)
15. Create a tour
16. *Create a static page (tour1) describing who we are and what we do. (2 hours)
17. *Create a compilation video of interview responses (8 hours)
18. *Embed a video clip on tour1 of a compilation of interview responses. (30 min)
19. *Create a static page (tour2) showing images and videos of Good Dyke Porn. (4 hours)
20. *Create a static page (tour3) showcasing the BrenRyder and GDP blogs, the forum and community. (2 hours)
21. *Create a static page (tour4) describing the payment options, Verotel, cancellations, free applications and costs (2 hours)
22. *Proof-read all of the tour pages and add the Sign-up Link to all the pages. (2 hours)
23. Update index page
24. *Add slideshow to index page showing latest addition, community update, tour link, $ign up page$ (6 hours)
25. *Create a button for The Tour. (2 hours)
26. *Add link to The Tour on the index page. (20 min)
27. Update public area
28. *Create a press area – add links and quotes from all press that gdp’s been in (4 hours)
29. *Create a review area – add links and quotes from all reviews that been done (4 hours)
30. *Review performance of affiliates on link page (2 hours)
31. *Update links page – remove inappropriate affiliates (2 hours)
32. *Update VOD page – flash it up a bit, promote HotMovies (2 hours)
33. *Update About Us page. (2 hours)
34. *Update distributor information on the website. (10 min)
35. Update BrenRyder.com
36. *Write a blog about affiliate reports. (3 hours)
37. *Redo categories on BrenRyder.com (20 min)
38. Update Members Area
39. *Convert all video files to wmv. (2 days)
40. *Add wmv link to all scene items. (4 hours)
41. *Create a newsletter to send out to paying members. (4 hours)
42. *Add categories to the videos. (2 hours)
43. Update Community Area
44. *Download Joomla Community and install in members area. (4 hours)
45. *Change gender fields on profile (2 hours)
46. *Redo AlexCravenGeneva preview files. (30 min)
47. *Email models about getting on the forum and creating their own profiles. (30 min)
48. *Create a model profile area. (6 hours)
49. Revive Forum
50. *Start a new thread or two (20 min)
51. *Move into members area. (1 hour)
52. Catch-up on Administrative Tasks
53. *Refurbish battery and get wireless card for laptop.* (2 hours)
54. *Update accounts on business software. (2 days)
55. *Do taxes 2008 (3 days)
56. *Go over domain registrations and renew only those which are necessary. (1 hour)
57. *Decide whether to make a few new sites that point back to GoodDykePorn (30 min)
58. *Reserve new domain. (10 min)
59. *Contact adult stores across US about Babeland distributing GDP. (2 hours)
60. *Add wmv files to Clips.com (2 hours)
61. Prepare Promotion Tools
62. *Make new banners for promotion – according to industry standard (2 days)
63. *Create an animated banner. (4 hours)
64. *Add preview clips to PornHub. (1.5 hours)
65. *Look into the possibility of putting clips on other tube sites. (1 hour)
66. *Put together promotional package to send to magazines and other media. (2 days)
67. *Create Photo Galleries for promotion and video clips to TGP’s on Verotel. (4 hours)
68. *Contact magazines and blogs about participating as a writer. (2 hours)
69. *Research all possible awards for 2010. (1 hour)
70. *Advertise on the Xtra online directory. (20 min)
71. Update Members Database
72. *Add complete contact information to contacts list. (6 hours)
73. *Add members to the Map. (8 hours)
74. *Add I to the members area. (10 min)
75. Start Free Membership Community
76. *Create a form for applications for free memberships. (4 hours)
77. *Create static page with rules and information regarding free memberships. (2 hours)
78. *Send out an email to all members announcing this opportunity. (2 hours)
79. *Create a newsletter to send out to community members, paying members, and free members. (6 hours)
80. *Set up a donation button to include in free members email communication. (1 hour)
81. Update AEBN Account
82. *Create a “DVD cover” for every scene currently online. (2.5 hours)
83. *Work out cover details with AEBN. (30 min)
84. *Burn more scenes onto a DVD to send into AEBN. (4 hours)
85. *Write scene descriptions and include photos and model I.D.’s into new content package. (4 hours)
86. *Update the appearance of the VOD library. (2 hours)
87. *Send in new content to AEBN. (1 hour)
88. Rework Business Plan
89. *Find and print all past business plan documents. (30 min)
90. *Read E-Myth Mastery Business Plan chapter. (2 hours)
91. *Make outline for new business plan. (8 hours)
92. Make a new short film.
93. *Read through documentary book (4 hours)
94. *Plan the story and what to shoot (4 hours)
95. *Shoot it (4 days)
96. *Edit it (8 days)
97. *Recruit musician to submit their music (4 hours)
98. Start Accepting Submissions
99. *Write guidelines for user submissions. (4 hours)
100. *Create a button and link for Accepting Submissions! (3 hours)
101. *Meet with lawyer for new contract. (2 hours)

More To Come:

1. Make a plan for creating merchandise.
2. Publish Volume 2 DVD.
3. Schedule writing time for the manifesto.

Sing it now….”don’t want to be…all by myself…anymore”.

For the last two years-ish I’ve been building this business and running the website (GoodDykePorn.com) all by myself, mostly. There are plenty of people who have contributed to the business/website. Of course, the models are the most important contributors. Plus, there have been a few crew volunteers who have been there to hold the other camera and assist in other crew tasks. There has been plenty of support through encouragement and even financial support. I could not do this completely on my own, but…

When it comes right down to it, though, I am doing all this on my own. I shoot the video of the incredible and brave women having sex (sometimes with another camera operator), edit it, sometimes make music for it, encode the video for web download, upload it to the website, then blog about it. Everything that the website requires – updates, code changes, new additions, and reworking the format – is done by me alone. So far I’ve been doing my accounting by myself. I tried to hire out the work initially, but it was too expensive so I took it back to do myself, which means I have a lovely pile of accounting work ready to be done “someday”. Marketing is also my responsibility – which could have something to do with the slow (but steady) rise of GoodDykePorn to the minds of dykes and porn watchers around the world. I had a friend who expressed interest in getting involved on a few occasions but that never panned out.

I think my biggest struggle with doing things all by myself is that I really like it that way. I struggle with it because it seems like for a business to work properly and to live up to it’s full potential it needs multiple people with all the right skills working to make it great. I just made myself a filmmaker, editor, marketer, accountant, webmaster and blogger simply by doing it. I didn’t do those things before. I’ve been learning by doing and I want to keep doing it. If I followed the business way of doing things then I’d be the business operator and I’d have experts in filmmaking, editing, marketing, accounting and webmastering on my team who do the work in the way that jives with my vision. Instead, I feel like a solitary artist who meticulously, step-by-step, job-by-job, task-by-task works to create a business that jives with my vision.

When it comes right down to it though, it comes right down to the money. As a new independent porn producer who mostly caters to women I’m not exactly raking in the cash. I’d love to hire out a few things like marketing and accounting, but any money that does come in needs to be used to make more DVD’s, or make more scenes, or to pay back start-up loans, or to compensate myself for all the work that I do put into this venture.

I’m happy right now. I’m optimistic about the future. I feel confident that I can do everything that is required of me. I’m not a natural marketer. I love to procrastinate. But, I have a list in front of me that has 101 tasks to do and I will do it. I’m going to revel in the omniscient power over GoodDykePorn while it lasts. My progress may be slow, but I think slow is beautiful. I have such an incredible job. It suits me perfectly. And I’m doing it all by myself.