Bren Ryder

More than writing this upcoming manifesto, I am living the manifesto. In fact, I haven’t written anything yet. So far, I am witnessing. I’m waiting to see what emerges as a clear philosophy for revolutionizing porn.

I have a general idea about what I want to create. I want to create good dyke porn, thus the name of the website is GoodDykePorn.com. And we’ve all been working intuitively to figure out what exactly good dyke porn consists of. The way I figured it is if we start to have genuine sexual encounters on camera between women who love women then we should be on the right path.

Whenever I talk about the website – my vision for the future, what we create and what we’re hoping to achieve – I become extremely verbose. After my second cup of coffee with someone who’s interested in learning about what I do, I start to passionately express the positive effects good dyke porn has on society, the fantasy of a changed world, and human experience of de-grossifying pornography.

But, whenever I think about writing a manifesto I get a little overwhelmed and can’t think of anything to write. I think I’m over thinking it. I was rereading my Steve Pavlina book yesterday and in the chapter on careers I was reminded that what I’m trying achieve with this website/my business is what I’m trying to achieve for my own life.

A few months back (probably when I was reading the Steve P. book for the first time) I came up my purpose in life. It was a matter of breaking down everything I feel like I want into something that can’t be broken down anymore. Plus it needs to be something that resonates with me.

Here’s what I came up with for my life purpose:

* Love Truthfully
* Empower and Inspire
* Experience Life Fully

Everything I do in life needs to align with one or more of those points. So, this seems like a good place to start for the Good Dyke Porn™ Manifesto. After all, my work should be in alignment with my personal manifesto.

And it is.

This past Sunday I had to work.

Over the years I’ve worked a variety of jobs and whenever possible I’ve always tried to keep Sundays free. No work on Sundays. I’ve even lied and told my employers that I couldn’t work Sundays because I had to go to church. To me, Sundays had to be the one day that I had off. It was sacred. No work on Sundays.

When working a “job” it’s always the days-off that become sacred because the days-on tend to be un-enjoyable. Now that I’m running my own business the days on have become sacred. I don’t overwork my business, though. I certainly make sure I take time off for myself and not spend all my time on the job. Even though it is my dream job I still take the weekends off. But, this Sunday, I worked. And, it was magical.

Trala La, a mutual friend and I rented a sauna at an old, beautiful and gritty steam bath house. We snuck our camera equipment into our private room and sauna and immediate got down to work. Using three cameras we captured the gorgeous Trala La shave from head to toe and enjoy some time with the water faucet. We even had some time left over in the end to all strip down and enjoy the sauna with the camera and equipment all put away.

For the rest of the day the three of us reported an indescribable high from the creative work we did that day.

Obviously, the events of the day weren’t exactly “work”. They were playful, creative, sexual, artistic, intimate, and fun. However, this is in fact my job. If I don’t do it then my objective with GoodDykePorn.com will suffer. If I don’t do it then the business will suffer and it will no longer serve as my job.

By recognizing the importance of my job and recognizing that doing this work is entirely necessary I am immediately filled with a feeling of bliss. This is my job. Everyday can be a joy. My life is better because of that fact. And, the world is better because my blissful job produces incredibly beautiful and important images of queer women. What could be better than that?

Now, Sundays are sacred because I work.

I made a decision to hit the pause button on my porn website, GoodDykePorn.com. I’m referring to content updates. After I add an additional part to my solo scene there won’t be anymore updates for a few months. This was a difficult decision, but my primary concern is to create a valuable product to my customers. Currently, I’m having some trouble keeping up to the very modest update schedule of one new scene per month.

I was worried about this decision because I don’t want people to think that I’ve given up or that Good Dyke Porn is on it’s way out. On the contrary, I feel like the next couple of months are going to contribute to its longevity. I run the site on my own and I like it that way. My intention is to continue to do so, but in a way that will keep the quality of the website consistent and allow the site to run at least for the next 10 years. That’s what I’m looking ahead to.

When I chose to start this site, I just did it. I didn’t spend much time doing market research or perfecting my business plan or honing my business and technical skills. Considering the amount of work and expertise that’s required to make this website run smoothly, I could have spent years in preparation. For me, it was important to just get started. Personally, I learn by doing. As I started to film the scenes I learned what was required to make it look good and what was unnecessary. As I started to edit the scenes I referred to online tutorials of Final Cut Pro and became more and more comfortable as every new hot scene passed before my eyes. At tax time I was forced to get my accounts organized. Everyday I learn new skills: webmastery, inventory, customer service, marketing and promotion. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Initially, I set up the foundation of the website and hoped that from there I could simply add content and promote. As always, there’s much more to it than first meets the eye. Now is the time to revisit that foundation and make it even stronger. Over the next couple of months I’m going to be completing plenty of important tasks and creating some more material to be released on a consistent basis when updates begin again. Besides that, I’ll be figuring out the best way to make this work over the years. Whether it’s task, time or personnel management it will be solved.

We aren’t going anywhere, though, so please continue to visit the site as often as you like. If you buy a membership then you will have access for the entire time that we are “paused”. If you have a membership right now then your access will also be extended. (Message me if I haven’t successfully reached you by email: bren@gooddykeporn.com)

I’m very excited about the upcoming changes and I feel in my heart that this “break” is extremely necessary to the future of Good Dyke Porn. Here are some changes that you can expect to see:

• Updated community features in the members area.
• Model profiles and pages.
• Redesigned navigation for easy of use.
• Limited # of free or discounted memberships available for application.
• User submissions from all over the world.
• More frequent and consistent updates.
• Commissions paid to all participating models.

Let me know what you want to see different for your money. I’m going to be busy, but I always have time to talk to you. Together we can continue to make Good Dyke Porn a place for beautiful, quality images of real queer sexuality that we can all be proud of.

Yesterday I posted a scene of myself on GoodDykePorn.com – solo style. It was actually filmed a couple of years ago for the short film, Good Dyke Porn, that made its way around the festival circuit. Only about 10 seconds of that footage was included in the film. The reason I created it was for the sole purpose of exposing myself to everyone, to make myself completely vulnerable. I’ve always thought that the best art comes from people who have allowed themselves to be totally exposed and vulnerable. Usually that exposure isn’t sexual or nude in nature. It tends to be a raw exposure of their heart and soul.

The internet has been a great place for many bloggers to use their ability to write to expose their lives for public scrutiny. I have no doubt that many people revel in the privilege to voyeuristically judge friends and strangers anonymously from behind their computer screens. These days, peering into each others lives is common place. But, still, there is a lot of shame, negative connotations, and prohibition around exposing ourselves sexually.

I know so many women who feel badly about their bodies. It is unbelievable. I’m not immune to it myself. In fact, I love that I just so happened to be in the best shape of my life at the time my scene was shot. I definitely prefer to see less fat on my body. I’m still going to post another, more current solo scene – a few extra pounds and all. And, I keep trying to telling myself how much I appreciate the body that I do have: healthy, strong, moderately flexible, able body. But, it’s hard to escape a lifetime of pressure to be thin (never mind that, I believe our negative focus on our bodies actually makes us fatter).

Besides all the body issues, my mind focuses on the fear of exposing my sexuality. I don’t even want to articulate what those fears are. It seems silly to be self-conscious about something as individual as my genitals, my orgasms, the way I move and what gets me off. But, I’m so open to judgment. People may have a certain idea about how I should look and act and when that’s violated then – oh gosh what would they think? I’m being sarcastic now, because really, who gives a shit what people think? People are capable of judging me every minute of everyday. I can’t stop them.

I think we need to see more of women’s bodies getting off on their own terms: whether it’s a solo moment, an intimate coupling or a manifestation of a fantasy. Every woman has a beautiful outward expression of her sexuality. In my dream world there is no insecurity, no shame, no wishing and hoping for something we’re not. There is only pride, acceptance and confidence in our wet cunts and throbbing nipples.

When I started this project I never imagined that I was going to go in front of the camera. I am so shy and a little fearful of sex. But, I believe in my own philosophy so much so that I feel like my participation is itself a revolutionary act. I really do believe that women should be proud of their cunts and willing to reveal themselves as sexually vulnerable.

We are all different and I want to see those those differences. It starts with me.

As I mentioned in my last post I’m working on building this business and maintaining it mostly on my own. The exception to my solitude comes on shooting days where I’m filming the models and sometimes I get help from another camera operator to film the scene.

This blog is meant to give you an idea of what it’s like for a self-taught pornographer to run a business and attempt to make an impact on the porn industry and visual depictions of queer female sexuality. So, to give a glimpse into my life I am here to offer my list of 101 things-to-do starting in January 2009.

It’s actually a list of 17 projects that need to get completed and all the tasks that need to get done to make some headway on each one of these tasks.

I’m a little nervous about publishing my list. It makes me feel very vulnerable. Sure, I can take my clothes off and let you watch me have sex with a woman. Any judgements of my body or my sex will only reveal your own insecurity, but this is business. And, what if my way of doing business is wrong or doesn’t serve the queer porn revolution appropriately. Oh well, I can let that go. Just like everyone’s body and sexuality is unique so is my work life and my business contribution to the world. This is how I do it. Feel free to watch.

The List:

1. Schedule New Scenes
2. *Send out email to all the single models to plan get together. (20 min)
3. *Contact C regarding doing a scene. (10 min)
4. *Email S about doing a scene with L. (10 min)
5. *Schedule party to hook people up and brainstorm ideas. (20 min)
6. Update Enter Page
7. *Move review banners/buttons to front page. (40 min)
8. *Add quotes from various sources. (1 hour)
9. *Research appropriate child protection links and banners and memberships available. (1 hour)
10. *Add banners and links to child protection websites (30 min)
11. *Create an affiliate report. (1 hour)
12. *Add affiliate links and banners. (1 hour)
13. *Sign up as an affiliate for CyberDyke.com (20 min)
14. *Look into Monica’s Reviews – renew membership if necessary (1 hour)
15. Create a tour
16. *Create a static page (tour1) describing who we are and what we do. (2 hours)
17. *Create a compilation video of interview responses (8 hours)
18. *Embed a video clip on tour1 of a compilation of interview responses. (30 min)
19. *Create a static page (tour2) showing images and videos of Good Dyke Porn. (4 hours)
20. *Create a static page (tour3) showcasing the BrenRyder and GDP blogs, the forum and community. (2 hours)
21. *Create a static page (tour4) describing the payment options, Verotel, cancellations, free applications and costs (2 hours)
22. *Proof-read all of the tour pages and add the Sign-up Link to all the pages. (2 hours)
23. Update index page
24. *Add slideshow to index page showing latest addition, community update, tour link, $ign up page$ (6 hours)
25. *Create a button for The Tour. (2 hours)
26. *Add link to The Tour on the index page. (20 min)
27. Update public area
28. *Create a press area – add links and quotes from all press that gdp’s been in (4 hours)
29. *Create a review area – add links and quotes from all reviews that been done (4 hours)
30. *Review performance of affiliates on link page (2 hours)
31. *Update links page – remove inappropriate affiliates (2 hours)
32. *Update VOD page – flash it up a bit, promote HotMovies (2 hours)
33. *Update About Us page. (2 hours)
34. *Update distributor information on the website. (10 min)
35. Update BrenRyder.com
36. *Write a blog about affiliate reports. (3 hours)
37. *Redo categories on BrenRyder.com (20 min)
38. Update Members Area
39. *Convert all video files to wmv. (2 days)
40. *Add wmv link to all scene items. (4 hours)
41. *Create a newsletter to send out to paying members. (4 hours)
42. *Add categories to the videos. (2 hours)
43. Update Community Area
44. *Download Joomla Community and install in members area. (4 hours)
45. *Change gender fields on profile (2 hours)
46. *Redo AlexCravenGeneva preview files. (30 min)
47. *Email models about getting on the forum and creating their own profiles. (30 min)
48. *Create a model profile area. (6 hours)
49. Revive Forum
50. *Start a new thread or two (20 min)
51. *Move into members area. (1 hour)
52. Catch-up on Administrative Tasks
53. *Refurbish battery and get wireless card for laptop.* (2 hours)
54. *Update accounts on business software. (2 days)
55. *Do taxes 2008 (3 days)
56. *Go over domain registrations and renew only those which are necessary. (1 hour)
57. *Decide whether to make a few new sites that point back to GoodDykePorn (30 min)
58. *Reserve new domain. (10 min)
59. *Contact adult stores across US about Babeland distributing GDP. (2 hours)
60. *Add wmv files to Clips.com (2 hours)
61. Prepare Promotion Tools
62. *Make new banners for promotion – according to industry standard (2 days)
63. *Create an animated banner. (4 hours)
64. *Add preview clips to PornHub. (1.5 hours)
65. *Look into the possibility of putting clips on other tube sites. (1 hour)
66. *Put together promotional package to send to magazines and other media. (2 days)
67. *Create Photo Galleries for promotion and video clips to TGP’s on Verotel. (4 hours)
68. *Contact magazines and blogs about participating as a writer. (2 hours)
69. *Research all possible awards for 2010. (1 hour)
70. *Advertise on the Xtra online directory. (20 min)
71. Update Members Database
72. *Add complete contact information to contacts list. (6 hours)
73. *Add members to the Map. (8 hours)
74. *Add I to the members area. (10 min)
75. Start Free Membership Community
76. *Create a form for applications for free memberships. (4 hours)
77. *Create static page with rules and information regarding free memberships. (2 hours)
78. *Send out an email to all members announcing this opportunity. (2 hours)
79. *Create a newsletter to send out to community members, paying members, and free members. (6 hours)
80. *Set up a donation button to include in free members email communication. (1 hour)
81. Update AEBN Account
82. *Create a “DVD cover” for every scene currently online. (2.5 hours)
83. *Work out cover details with AEBN. (30 min)
84. *Burn more scenes onto a DVD to send into AEBN. (4 hours)
85. *Write scene descriptions and include photos and model I.D.’s into new content package. (4 hours)
86. *Update the appearance of the VOD library. (2 hours)
87. *Send in new content to AEBN. (1 hour)
88. Rework Business Plan
89. *Find and print all past business plan documents. (30 min)
90. *Read E-Myth Mastery Business Plan chapter. (2 hours)
91. *Make outline for new business plan. (8 hours)
92. Make a new short film.
93. *Read through documentary book (4 hours)
94. *Plan the story and what to shoot (4 hours)
95. *Shoot it (4 days)
96. *Edit it (8 days)
97. *Recruit musician to submit their music (4 hours)
98. Start Accepting Submissions
99. *Write guidelines for user submissions. (4 hours)
100. *Create a button and link for Accepting Submissions! (3 hours)
101. *Meet with lawyer for new contract. (2 hours)

More To Come:

1. Make a plan for creating merchandise.
2. Publish Volume 2 DVD.
3. Schedule writing time for the manifesto.

Sing it now….”don’t want to be…all by myself…anymore”.

For the last two years-ish I’ve been building this business and running the website (GoodDykePorn.com) all by myself, mostly. There are plenty of people who have contributed to the business/website. Of course, the models are the most important contributors. Plus, there have been a few crew volunteers who have been there to hold the other camera and assist in other crew tasks. There has been plenty of support through encouragement and even financial support. I could not do this completely on my own, but…

When it comes right down to it, though, I am doing all this on my own. I shoot the video of the incredible and brave women having sex (sometimes with another camera operator), edit it, sometimes make music for it, encode the video for web download, upload it to the website, then blog about it. Everything that the website requires – updates, code changes, new additions, and reworking the format – is done by me alone. So far I’ve been doing my accounting by myself. I tried to hire out the work initially, but it was too expensive so I took it back to do myself, which means I have a lovely pile of accounting work ready to be done “someday”. Marketing is also my responsibility – which could have something to do with the slow (but steady) rise of GoodDykePorn to the minds of dykes and porn watchers around the world. I had a friend who expressed interest in getting involved on a few occasions but that never panned out.

I think my biggest struggle with doing things all by myself is that I really like it that way. I struggle with it because it seems like for a business to work properly and to live up to it’s full potential it needs multiple people with all the right skills working to make it great. I just made myself a filmmaker, editor, marketer, accountant, webmaster and blogger simply by doing it. I didn’t do those things before. I’ve been learning by doing and I want to keep doing it. If I followed the business way of doing things then I’d be the business operator and I’d have experts in filmmaking, editing, marketing, accounting and webmastering on my team who do the work in the way that jives with my vision. Instead, I feel like a solitary artist who meticulously, step-by-step, job-by-job, task-by-task works to create a business that jives with my vision.

When it comes right down to it though, it comes right down to the money. As a new independent porn producer who mostly caters to women I’m not exactly raking in the cash. I’d love to hire out a few things like marketing and accounting, but any money that does come in needs to be used to make more DVD’s, or make more scenes, or to pay back start-up loans, or to compensate myself for all the work that I do put into this venture.

I’m happy right now. I’m optimistic about the future. I feel confident that I can do everything that is required of me. I’m not a natural marketer. I love to procrastinate. But, I have a list in front of me that has 101 tasks to do and I will do it. I’m going to revel in the omniscient power over GoodDykePorn while it lasts. My progress may be slow, but I think slow is beautiful. I have such an incredible job. It suits me perfectly. And I’m doing it all by myself.

I’d rather ask you back to my place, but instead I’ve decided to give myspace.com another try. Earlier, they deleted my account for having a link to my website, GoodDykePorn.com. I didn’t have anything nudity on the profile just a banner and a link. After getting deleted I read the fine print and sure enough, they prohibit links to porno sites. I hate that I actually have to read those damn Terms of Service things every time I want to access a service online.

Myspace seems like a useful place for people around the world to find me and get to know what I’m about and catch up on the latest happenings without having to go to the site directly. Understandably, people get worried about accessing anything porn without first knowing that it’s trustworthy.

So, please be my friend. Send me a message, leave a comment or just visit. I’m here for you, babe.

Also, you can find me on facebook.com and I’d be delighted if you’d befriend me there. I’m much more active on there then I am on myspace, but I’ll do my best to keep myspace current, as well.

Okay, two goals: one personal goal and one professional goal.

Coming up with only one goal for these two areas of my life was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I knew I’d have to spend some time really thinking about what’s important. I have a ton of tasks that I want to do: make volume 2 DVD, shoots hot sexy scenes, update website, promote more effectively, lose weight, cut out junk food, socialize more, etc, etc.

But, none of those things are the number one most important thing to do. Looking at one of those tasks as my single solitary goal for my life is very unexciting. A goal must be exciting. It must be worth the effort. It must be so compelling that when I browse the internet aimlessly I’ll immediately recognize that what I’m doing isn’t getting me closer to my be-all-end-all GOAL.

Of course, even the life of a dyke pornographer can’t be that passionate and exciting all the time, but I thought about it a lot and I’ve finally come up with one personal goal and one professional goal.

The personal goal is a simple one and so simple and straight-forward that I’m not sure if it’s the right one.

PERSONAL GOAL: Pay off my debt.

I struggled with this one because I feel like I focus a bit too much on it. I’m constantly checking balances, working and reworking my debt reduction system, reading finance books and blogs, planning, planning and more planning. When really the only thing I need to do is make more money for a couple of years and it’s done. My goal for last year was also to pay off my debt. Initially, I immediately rejected it as a primary goal because I thought my obsession was a bit unhealthy. But, then I came to the conclusion that sometimes obsessions need to be cultivated. I’m such a laid back, slow-is-beautiful kind of person that I could use some more obsession in my life. Obsessing over debt and striving towards a zero balance is not exactly a sexy goal, but I’m going to use this opportunity to exercise my obsessive power until this goal is achieved.

Now, the fun part – the professional goal. I love my job and making goals for work is uber sexy. Like I mentioned before, the tasks sometimes aren’t so sexy: new graphics, find help, update accounting system, create new customer database. Therefore, none of those things are my primary goal. Those things must serve my primary goal.

PROFESSIONAL GOAL: Create Good Dyke Porn™ Manifesto.

This gets me excited. The Good Dyke Porn™ Manifesto is everything. It’s the website, the promotion, the content, words describing our mission, a book perhaps, a new DVD, a documentary film or simply brainstorm scratches on a pad of paper.

This year my goal is to create the manifesto. Maybe the next goal will be to deliver the manifesto (through promotion, selling, etc). But first, I must solidify exactly what it is I’m doing, meaning to say, the impact I’m intending to make and manifest it into media for others to understand. The vision in my business plan and goals from two years ago need to leap in front of the eyes of the world so that everyone can understand Good Dyke Porn.

This is exciting. This is about creation. Now, everything that I do from writing this blog to filming a scene or hiring a helper needs to serve this goal: to create the manifesto.

Of course, I still have to do my accounting and release media that, while in line with the manifesto, isn’t exactly the manifesto itself. But, the awesome thing about creating the manifesto is that once I have it written in a frame in my office (another creative form) then all minor or major tasks will be serving that mission statement.

This creative goal is going to take more than one form and I’m going to leave that open. I’ll know when the creative process for the manifesto is done. At that time I’ll begin to focus on a new thrilling goal.

I love this time of year. When the new year approaches I always take time to look back at the past year and make goals and plans and resolutions for the new year. I’m not too concerned about the resolutions. They consist of the usual fair – eat better, exercise more. But, it’s not my goal to follow my resolutions all year long. They’ll naturally fluctuate throughout the year and I’m perfectly happy with that.

I don’t even remember what my resolutions were last year. Probably similar health habits and work habits. Looking back at 2008, I did make a major change in my exercise habits and began going to the gym 5 times a week first thing in the morning. December has been a bit of a write-off but September to November was amazing.

Looking back at Good Dyke Porn™ there have been a lot of accomplishments.

The website was only (a)live for 6 months at the beginning of 2008. The film festival film made a nice circuit in 2007 and the film went to Australia and Paris and Israel in 2008.

*I started this blog – BrenRyder.com

*I received a Feminist Porn Award: The Golden Beaver Award for Canadian Content.

*I published the first DVD – The Best of GoodDykePorn.com Volume 1

- Canadian Distributor for the DVD – Come As You Are
- US Distributor – Babeland
- The DVD available on three VOD websites.
(all new income)

…my favorite accomplishment:
*I lived off the earning from my business for 6 months out of the year. (And learned how to live on very little.)

Besides these physical accomplishments there have been many new connections made with queer revolutionaries, new models, supportive fans, and porn allies. Not to mention the incredible new fucking sex scenes that we’ve accumulated over the past year.

Now I have a huge list of goals for the new year, but I don’t want to get too crazy about trying to do too much because look at all the incredible things that can happen in a year – and that’s just a small business summary. Looking at blogs, the one piece of advice that I found is to come up with One Personal Goal and One Business Goal. So, out of my huge list of goals for the coming year I need to figure out which ONE is most important. If I could only accomplish that ONE goal what would it be? For 2008, that goal was definitely publishing our first DVD. And we did it!

Coming up with only one goal to focus on is not as easy as it looks, but it’s a perfect strategy for lazy easily distracted people like myself.

ONE GOAL – well, two really – one personal, one business. I’ll be back with what that is as soon as I figure it out.

I am working on a porn revolution. But did you know that I’m on a spiritual journey? Celebrating female sexuality is the easy part. It fits perfectly into my path and I believe in it. Money, however, is the hardest part of my spiritual journey to get a handle on. I’ve done okay for myself – relative to a homeless person. But I struggle to achieve the kind of financial abundance that I dream about. And I’m not talking about mansions and fast cars. I’d be happy to elevate beyond starving artist. So what have I learned from all this poverty and insecurity? What wisdom can I pass on?

Let’s brainstorm: Money is important. It does great things – pays off debt, buys gifts, finances churches and history-making election campaigns. Without money charity wouldn’t exist. Without money what would we stress about? The middle-class dream is to earn more than you spend, have nice things and a big savings account for retirement and emergencies. It doesn’t seem like a lot to ask for. But, there aren’t very many people who are content with their financial situation. Which means they must be spending more than they earn, have desires for more things and/or have an insufficient amount of savings.

Money is meant to be a tool. It’s meant to get your needs fulfilled in exchange for something: your time, your expertise, your objects. Is it a tool? Or, is it oxygen? Can we live without money? No.

Okay, so if money is like oxygen, then money sustains life. That is absolutely true. Literally, we cannot live without food and water and we pay for these things (plus shelter). Figuratively speaking, money breaths life into a business, a charity organization, an artistic project, a campaign, a demonstration, to name a few. Money is life. That I believe. But I have a hard time believing that money will always be there. Why? Because it won’t. Like life itself, it can end at anytime. I feel more confident that I will live another day than I do that money will return another day. I feel more confident that I will remain healthy for years to come than I do that I will have a steady income and a healthy balance on my accounts.

Life has no guarantee. I accept that life will someday end: for me, my loved ones, and everyone. I accept it because I have no control over it. I can do my part by breathing in and out, eating right, exercising and appreciating every day that I do have. Now, apply that to money.

I can’t control the money. Not in the grand scale. If I were to ever lose my money it would be completely beyond my control. What I can do is control “diet and exercise”. Every action I take, every mistake I make, and every success I see is a learning experience. I’ve learned that when I have a friend to go with I can get to the gym every morning. I can’t control the presence of viruses, contracting illnesses or sudden accidents, but I can get to the gym when I set up my schedule in a way that works for me.

So far, with money, I’ve discovered that I can no longer borrow money. Not for business, not temporarily, not for any reason. This decision has changed my financial situation immensely. Suddenly, I have achieved an important goal: make more than I spend. I make sure that happens no matter what. Being self-employed so my income is variable, but now that I’ve vowed to never borrow ever again, I make it work everyday.

That’s what’s working for me. That’s what I’ve learned about myself. That I can control – my spending, my guidelines. What I truly want, though, is for all of my debt to be paid off and a nice huge savings account to save me from financial emergencies. And I want that as soon as possible.

Let go of the outcome.

When life is the outcome, how do you let go? As a person who may be struggling with a terminal illness you know the intense difficulty in letting go of the outcome: staying alive. It seems like everyday all of us are fearing the death of abundance. So much so that it’s actually stifling our growth. Just like a highly stressed and angry person is stifling their own life and health. When we worry about money it’s like we’re worrying about death.

I never worry about having too much money. It’s always the opposite. So, to worry about losing money is like worrying about death. I choose not to worry about death, so it’s time to make a change in my thinking about money. If I’m worrying about money, then I’m worrying about death. And since I believe that whatever we focus on comes into being then I would never focus on death. Thus, it doesn’t make any sense to focus on the potential financial shortfall. In fact, it’s standing in my way of truly living, truly experiencing abundance.

A lot of us have a hard time with money. Financial experts are experiencing huge abundance to try to help us overcome our fears around money. We’ve mostly been taught that money is either good or evil. But it is neither. Or is it both?

Money is money. Life is life. Death is death. Money is life and money is death – metaphorically speaking, of course. When we worry about money, then we’re focusing on money as death. But, when we appreciate money and believe in the power of money, then we are focusing on money as life. Which is “better”? Life, of course. It’s easy for us spiritualists to believe in life and appreciate it, but now we need to translate that faith into our money. Money is an integral part of life and needs to be held up as important as life because it is life.

Until our society completely changes our system of exchange (not likely to ever happen), then money will be our currency of life. I am a healthy woman and I appreciate that. I live a good life and I appreciate that. Because of the society I grew up in I have a hard time believing that I deserve money as much as I deserve flexible limbs and a strong heart. That has to change. Money is life. And what I choose to do with it will change the world. As I change, then the world will change with me.